phenomenal_me

I have warned my husband many times that he’s going to lose me. I have even been nice enough to tell him why he’s going to lose me (you know, on the off chance that he actually realizes the seriousness of the situation and decides that he’s going to do something to prevent the loss of the best thing that ever happened to him). He is a liar. He is disrespectful and he craves attention. All of these things seem to come into play when it comes to his dealings with other women, his ex-girlfriends in particular. He will do whatever he can to gain their sympathy and their attention, even it requires being disrespectful to me, allowing them to be disrespectful towards me, telling them half the truth, or just flat out lying about me to make me look bad and him look like a Saint. (I already have suspicions about mentality of these women because they haven’t been smart enough to realize that he hasn’t left yet, so there’s got to be more to the story than what he’s saying, but we know how some women are…)

I can’t talk to him because what I say doesn’t seem to matter. I can’t send him emails because he will go so far as to forward my emails to his ex, with the addition of a comment or two from him to make sure that I look bad. I’m used to dealing with men who are proud of the women they have chosen to be with, and they want others to know that they have chosen wisely. I have never had to deal with someone who has so little respect for me that he will constantly put me down to others just for attention. (The fact that he tries to belittle the significance of his exes in his life does not help. He apparently thinks I’m not smart enough to pay attention and notice that he always changes his excuses that he “needs” to keep them involved in his life. He has no problems running to them for guidance, support and attention – maybe they can help him get through our impending divorce.)

I think I’ve been fair and given him ample opportunities to change his ways, but I’m beginning to think that this issue will be ongoing and I will never be happy. I speak with my divorce attorney every few weeks, and he says that eventually I’ll get sick and tired of being sick and tired and the only thing he needs to enter on the paperwork at this point is the date and we can file. Am I asking too much of him to want him to respect me? To tell me the truth? And to get rid of these miscellaneous women in his life? It seems like my warnings that I’m getting fed up fall on deaf ears. I guess he just takes it for granted that I won’t end things. Respect and honesty are big things to me, and I’m just crazy enough to think that I deserve both.

onepotatotwo

I get where you're coming from. My H is kind of like that with his exW--seems like he'll take her side over mine no matter how "right" I am. Mine wants to be a doormat for the exW so that he can keep in her good graces...I'm not exactly sure why because it's not like she'd ever, ever want to keep the kids from him--she couldn't survive them.lol

I don't think a marriage can survive with that festering resentment. I relate alot to what you're saying. Even though my H tries to be nice now and is being a better person, it doesn't erase that lingering resentment I have--like, how could he be so callous to my feelings and, for lack of a better word, "disrespect" me to his exW. So even with him trying to change for the better, the pain he caused was so severe that I don't know that I'll be able to forgive--but I'm working on it.

I had an even more similar problem with my exH...He behaved exactly like your H is doing. I realized over time, that I could never 'trust' him and that the level of betrayal through his women "friends" or whatever they were, was way too much for me and I eventually left him and filed for divorce.

I hope your H wakes up and realizes the damage he's doing before it's too late.