As I posted before, my W has BPD and we've been married now for almost 7 years, we have a 5yr old daughter together. My W cheated on me last October in a relationship she started online with a stranger. To my knowledge no physical contact was made but I had to discover the extent of the relationship on my own. even when confronted she lied about it.
I think I've decided to make a deadline for my W. I have a list of things that need to improve. I have a list of goals that are basic, simple house hold tasks that I believe any stay-at-home W would perform on a normal basis.
In 5 Months I would like to see these challenges met:
1.) Have the house clean - not spotless but at least dusted and picked up.
2.) Be able to keep the dishes washed on a daily basis without complaining about it.(she creates about 75% of the dirty dishes in our house any given day)
3.) Have supper at least prepping or cooking when i get home, no less than 3 days a week .
4.) Manage our daughter at least 4 days in a row. without an outburst or break down. Normally she lets her grandmother (80 years old) keep her. for instance this week she's been at her grandmothers since Monday!
If she can't do these things or simply refuses then after 5 months I will ask for a seperation at least a month long so I can figure things out and maybe she can get her life together.
--
I don't want to be too heavy handed, do these goals seem unreasonable? If they seem unreasonable, please tell me why so I can understand.
Also, Should I tell her that I'm making this list of goals or should I keep it silent and allow her the chance to make the changes on her own?
My only concern about telling her about the list is given her Borderline Personality Disorder she might just focus on doing what she has to, to make me happy. Not really learning anything and not changing at all and when the 5 months are up she'll just revert back to what she was before.
she's supposed to be actively trying to do better. Handle more responsibility and manage her stress levels. her last outburst that resulted in a terrible argument between us was at the end of May.
Since that fight she's been trying to be more active here are some things she's managed to do on her own and to improve on:
Going to the grocery store and shopping sensibly.
Getting our daughter to and from her gymnastics classes and various other activities.
Going to the gym and working out daily (one of her own goals).
I think I've decided to make a deadline for my W. I have a list of things that need to improve. I have a list of goals that are basic, simple house hold tasks that I believe any stay-at-home W would perform on a normal basis.
In 5 Months I would like to see these challenges met:
1.) Have the house clean - not spotless but at least dusted and picked up.
2.) Be able to keep the dishes washed on a daily basis without complaining about it.(she creates about 75% of the dirty dishes in our house any given day)
3.) Have supper at least prepping or cooking when i get home, no less than 3 days a week .
4.) Manage our daughter at least 4 days in a row. without an outburst or break down. Normally she lets her grandmother (80 years old) keep her. for instance this week she's been at her grandmothers since Monday!
If she can't do these things or simply refuses then after 5 months I will ask for a seperation at least a month long so I can figure things out and maybe she can get her life together.
--
I don't want to be too heavy handed, do these goals seem unreasonable? If they seem unreasonable, please tell me why so I can understand.
Also, Should I tell her that I'm making this list of goals or should I keep it silent and allow her the chance to make the changes on her own?
My only concern about telling her about the list is given her Borderline Personality Disorder she might just focus on doing what she has to, to make me happy. Not really learning anything and not changing at all and when the 5 months are up she'll just revert back to what she was before.
she's supposed to be actively trying to do better. Handle more responsibility and manage her stress levels. her last outburst that resulted in a terrible argument between us was at the end of May.
Since that fight she's been trying to be more active here are some things she's managed to do on her own and to improve on:
Going to the grocery store and shopping sensibly.
Getting our daughter to and from her gymnastics classes and various other activities.
Going to the gym and working out daily (one of her own goals).