I am considering/planning to file for divorce or separation. Quick details. Married 14 years, 3 kids, 11, 9 and 1. We never should have gotten married. I remember having doubts on our wedding day and even before. The first couple of years things were fine. I am not sure I was happy, but I don’t recall being real depressed or upset either. One thing I do remember is that when my oldest daughter was born not feeling as excited as I should. I don’t blame my wife for the situation; I should have been more honest with how I feel back then.
4 or 5 years ago I remember trying to be more supportive and improve our marriage, but it seems that whenever I would try and be extra nice she would do something to really piss me off. Vacations are another issue. I don’t look forward to them at all. Both the pre-vacation yelling while we are packing and the yelling about stupid stuff while we are on vacation. When our oldest was 5, my parents took us to Hawaii. It was during the school year and so the teacher asked her to put a journal together for the trip. I remember my wife fighting with my daughter to make her do this journal. I don’t remember the fun on the vacation; I remember the yelling and fighting about the journal. She was five. I grew up in a house with almost no yelling. My kids get yelled at 10 times more in a year than I ever got yelled at during my entire childhood. Sometimes it feels like I am living in a bad sitcom about miserable people.
Two years ago, I figured I would just wait until the kids were older. Unfortunately she got pregnant the one time we had sex in about 6 months. Now instead of having just a couple of more years to the kids graduate, it is 17. I can’t do it. I feel dishonest and just dread being 60 and having been miserable for most of my life.
I don’t really want to do counseling, because I don’t really want to stay married. I want to be with someone who I can relax and have fun with. However, at the same time I cannot imagine getting married again. With her I am always on my guard. She snaps when ever she is stressed even about little things and also get defensive whenever her issues get pointed out.
Frankly it is just too hard and how I feel isn’t going to change. It would be one thing if I had these great feelings to make everything worthwhile, but I don’t. Life really is just a grind without hope for improvement.
4 or 5 years ago I remember trying to be more supportive and improve our marriage, but it seems that whenever I would try and be extra nice she would do something to really piss me off. Vacations are another issue. I don’t look forward to them at all. Both the pre-vacation yelling while we are packing and the yelling about stupid stuff while we are on vacation. When our oldest was 5, my parents took us to Hawaii. It was during the school year and so the teacher asked her to put a journal together for the trip. I remember my wife fighting with my daughter to make her do this journal. I don’t remember the fun on the vacation; I remember the yelling and fighting about the journal. She was five. I grew up in a house with almost no yelling. My kids get yelled at 10 times more in a year than I ever got yelled at during my entire childhood. Sometimes it feels like I am living in a bad sitcom about miserable people.
Two years ago, I figured I would just wait until the kids were older. Unfortunately she got pregnant the one time we had sex in about 6 months. Now instead of having just a couple of more years to the kids graduate, it is 17. I can’t do it. I feel dishonest and just dread being 60 and having been miserable for most of my life.
I don’t really want to do counseling, because I don’t really want to stay married. I want to be with someone who I can relax and have fun with. However, at the same time I cannot imagine getting married again. With her I am always on my guard. She snaps when ever she is stressed even about little things and also get defensive whenever her issues get pointed out.
Frankly it is just too hard and how I feel isn’t going to change. It would be one thing if I had these great feelings to make everything worthwhile, but I don’t. Life really is just a grind without hope for improvement.