I love my wife and want our marriage to work but is that enough - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 06-20-2011, 07:36 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Germany until the end of the year then moving back to Alabama
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I love my wife and want our marriage to work but is that enough

I have been married for just over 18 years now. About 3 months ago my wife told me she wanted a divorce or at least a separation. She explained to me how she cared about me but wasn't in love with me anymore. Went on about all these things that I did that she didn't like. I accepted that before things could work in our marriage that I needed to make some changes in myself and I have tried to make these changes. In making these changes I have found that I actually feel better about myself. The problem that I am running into is that I found some information that has led me to a secret email and facebook account. Reading the facebook account was a real eye opener and i know that this year she has cheated on me with at least 1 guy on at least 1 occasion and possibly more. She also admitted to me about a 1 night stand a few weeks ago. I have tried to be understanding and forgave her for the one night stand. She has not confessed to the person involved in the facebook page as of yet. I want to give her some space but we are currently living in Germany and due to some legal issues I can not work over here. We have talked about moving back to the states and then taking a separation while we attend marital counseling. over the last week things have really seemed to be picking up and looking like we could possibly work things out. The problem I am having right now is my wife's work takes her out of town. She is at the Hotel right now where she had the one night stand and that she meet the person from the facebook page i was talking about. They have a club at the hotel and she says she goes there to dance. I talked to her at about 8:45 this evening and her and the other people from her work were going to have a few drinks in her room and then go to the club for a little while. I tried calling her about 9:10 just to tell her something and no answer and now it is 2:30 in the morning here and still nothing. She is suppose to call me or text me when she gets back from the club and I haven't heard anything yet. I want to trust her but I get to the point that I don't know.

Yes I have not been perfect in our marriage. But I have always trusted her until now. I want to trust her and think that she is just at the club dancing but it is hard.

I have no idea what to do. I love my wife and want to make my marriage work but I also don't want to be an idiot either and have her cheating on me why supposedly trying to work things out.

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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 06-20-2011, 07:53 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 10,699
Re: I love my wife and want our marriage to work but is that enough

Sorry your here.
It is impossible to work on a marriage when the spouse is being influences by some one else. The dynamic are such that as long as your wife continues to step out of the marriage...even though the intend is there she is not practicing the primary rule of being connected to her spouse. She is only partially connected, the other half of her life is somewere other then her marriage.

Get it, its called 100% commited, again the intent is there but no real effort form your wife.

Go to marriage builder.com there is help.

Again all the counseling in the world won't work when a commitment isn't truely there. She can go every day, 100 times a day, but as long as that other influence is there its worthless.

Its called NC (no contact) until she completely stops all contact with these men she will always be influenced and the dynamics of a real marriage will be effected.

Look up "how to fight an affair" Affair care .com...you will need to get her out of the fog of the affairs for the both of you to repair this thing

You can't control her but for now you can control how you behave and what you will tolorate. also look into the "180"
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