fallingandcantgetup!!!

HELP PLEASE!!! I am desperate at this point. My wife and I have been married now for almost 4 years and together for 7 years. We were both quite young when we first started dating, she was 18 and I was 19. At that time I had a son who was nearly 2 years old already and has just broken out of a relationship with his mother who was a few years older than me.

After all this time, my wife still accuses me of having feelings for my son's mother and is convinced we have some sort of secret life going on. The two of them, my wife and my son's mother, actually have somewhat of an average relationship and talk at least a few times each month.

Two days ago my wife was wandering through my cell's call log and noticed 2 entries from last week, each around lunch time. One was for 5 mins or so and the other for 9 mins or so. When she asked me I informed her I did not recall speaking with her at any point for longer then 5 mins and that the other call may have been a quick question and the call was placed on hold for call waiting or perhaps called by mistake as I have a touch screen phone that is infamous for doing just that.

I am really struggling with working things out in our marriage and my wife has removed her wedding band and is making threats of getting divorced. It's so weird because our feelings for one another are and always have been so intense. We have an amazing love life and she claims that she is and always has felt we have an amazing physical bond, which I totally agree. It seems like when our minds are clear of suspicion and deception, we burn for one another.

I know I have contributed some to her inability in trusting in me. Since I was a teenager I have struggled with substance abuse problems and of course not always lived in pure honesty in result. Over the past 2 years, the problem worsened to the point I began taking medication for opiate dependency to prevent from having withdraws when I stopped taking my substances of choice. During the entire time I was living in what I feel was a haze, it was a never ending cycle. When I would try to quit on my own without the meds, she wasn't supportive and was very spiteful so I'd go back to what I knew would help me cope with the stress in our marriage. She claims the only reason anything was wrong in our marriage was because of the abuse problem, and would completely ignore the tendencies that were so prevalent such as the constant suspicion of my son's mother and I, the numerous differences in our families, and the flat out lack of communication and showing of interests in my hopes and dreams.

Granted that I have lied about taking substances for a while, I have genuinely tried to quit several times and now most recently have began seeking counseling in a faith-based recovery program. I need help getting through to her and understanding what it is that she actually is insecure about. One day its infidelity then the next it's my substance abuse problem, but never do we talk about it or come to any type of understanding. She refuses to talk with me because she feels that I always manipulate her into believing she has part in our problems as well.

I love my wife with all my heart. I know that she loves me as much or more. I do not, or ever had, have interests in another women. I tell her daily how much I love her and how beautiful she is.

HOW CAN I PROVE TO HER ONCE AND FOR ALL I AM NOT CHEATING!!! SHE IS THE ONLY WOMAN I DESIRE!!! ANY LIE I HAVE EVER TOLD DUE TO MY PROBLEM WAS JUST THAT AND THAT AS LONG AS I AM CLEAN SHE WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY OR DOUBT OUR MARRIAGE AGAIN.

F-102

She, and possibly BOTH of you, should see a counselor. She has trust issues.

Perhaps offer to take a polygraph?