I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Considering Divorce or Separation » I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.

Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-23-2011, 01:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 9
Unhappy I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.

I NEED ADVICE PEOPLE!

My wife and I have almost made it 7 years! I've been so excited this year. We were married very young. I was 20 and she was 19. Now, I'm 27 and she is 26.... Still NO kids. We were high school sweet hearts and have been IN LOVE for a long time.

During the beginning part of our marriage, we were typical college kids, except married! Lots of school and work to pay the bills. And alot of immaturity in how we treated each other. But, we continued on. I hurt her by always hanging with the guys and she always cried. In year 3, I learned that for about 8 months she had been texting, excuse me, SEXTING one of our greatest friends. There was NO physical contact, but she was pretty much IN LOVE with this man. I had no CLUE. At the same time, she was sexting another guy that she met out of town... Again, no physical contact, just PICTURE after PICTURE of her nude and talking about sexual things. She was BUSTED! I confronted both of them. They were crushed, so upset for what they had done. So upset for hurting me and going behind my back.

My wife and I then went to counseling together and then my wife went alone and we went together again after that.... We began to really work at our marriage. Treating eachother with kindness, considering each others needs.... ect. We really grew and matured.... It was awesome. She had another slip up, but I caught it early. No SEXTING, but just too many texts and I knew it would lead to danger. She apologized and was upset with herself. I think she even went back for a few counseling sessions. But I was thankful, I caught it early.

Its been 3 years now and I would've told you 5 days ago that our marriage was as strong as ever. We are totally in love and happy. We've been thinking about having kids. You name the attributes of a great marriage and we have them going on!

BUTTTTT, hold the phone. I just learned 2 days ago that she has been SEXTING again with someone. I confronted her. She fell to pieces. She has sent nude photos and had very sexual conversations for about 3 weeks. My heart feels like its just been ripped out of my chest! Because of what I do and who she SEXTED with.... My job is in jeopardy. I will have to make a SIGNIFICAN change in my job, maybe even have to move on to another location.

Of course, she is torn to pieces as well. She wants to get help. She is scared to death.... I love her with my whole heart. She is my best friend. She has never PHYSICALLY cheated on me, but this is the 4th guy she has began an inappropriate relationship with..... I don't know what to do.

Alot of me wants to stand by her.... help her get help and move on once again. But I know that I am risking her doing it again.... maybe next time we will have KIDS.

Then some of me is completely exhausted from all of this TORTURE. We have no kids.... I'm 27 years old.... And I could just go and start over. Get a divorce and move on.

but then again.... I love her.

ANY ADVICE?!?!?!?! I'm desperate.
shorty123 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-23-2011, 03:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,337
Default Re: I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shorty123 View Post
this is the 4th guy she has began an inappropriate relationship with.....
If you stay with her, you can pretty much count on there being a #5. I don't think I could live like that no matter how much I loved her.
Acorn is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-24-2011, 08:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,394
Default Re: I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.

I will put it to you this way:

1.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shorty123 View Post
In year 3, I learned that for about 8 months she had been texting, excuse me, SEXTING one of our greatest friends. There was NO physical contact, but she was pretty much IN LOVE with this man. I had no CLUE. .
2.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shorty123 View Post
At the same time, she was sexting another guy that she met out of town... Again, no physical contact, just PICTURE after PICTURE of her nude and talking about sexual things. She was BUSTED! I confronted both of them. They were crushed, so upset for what they had done. So upset for hurting me and going behind my back. .

3.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shorty123 View Post
My wife and I then went to counseling together and then my wife went alone and we went together again after that.... We began to really work at our marriage. She had another slip up, but I caught it early. No SEXTING, but just too many texts and I knew it would lead to danger. She apologized and was upset with herself.
4.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shorty123 View Post
Its been 3 years now

BUTTTTT, hold the phone. I just learned 2 days ago that she has been SEXTING again with someone. I confronted her. She fell to pieces. She has sent nude photos and had very sexual conversations for about 3 weeks. ].
Quote:
Originally Posted by shorty123 View Post
Of course, she is torn to pieces as well. She wants to get help. She is scared to death.... I love her with my whole heart. She is my best friend. She has never PHYSICALLY cheated on me, but this is the 4th guy he has began an inappropriate relationship with..... I don't know what to do.
You say you don't know what to do. Really? Because I see it this way... you can either keep doing what you have been doing your entire marriage (forgiving her and taking her back with zero consequences) and expect the same -- her feeling sad/upset/crushed/torn to pieces ... and then a REPEAT OF THE SAME behavior. It's a pattern. She is a serial cheater.

And now your job is in jeopardy because of her actions. I don't know what she did to put your job in jeopardy or who the guy was cheated with (please explain more of this to us) but apparently her deception and betrayal is now affecting your professional life.

So ask yourself: do you want to stay in a marriage with someone who has zero respect for you? Or do you want to cut your losses an dmove on?

You can't help someone who refuses to change their bad behavior. She has had chance after chance after chance after chance w/ zero consequences.

She does not respect you at all.

You say it wasn't physical but to me it's just as damaging since there were nude pictures exchanges.. with several men over time, especially one that was your own friend and now one that is effecting your professional life.

I think you should post this in the "Coping with Infidelity" thread.
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-24-2011, 10:50 AM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 9
Default Re: I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.

Thank you Jelly Beans and Acorn for your response.

We she first did all of this behind my back, I didn't respond well. I began to do things behind her back. There was a place where I was getting a massage for a long time.... The lady heard all of my ups and downs over the year and heard about what my wife did behind my back..... And well, that led to a "happy ending" after my massage. That happened several times.

And one time I had too much to drink and was out of town and a girl brought me to her car and we got in the back seat and was about to have sex, but I stopped and got out of the car and left.

And one time, I got drunk and Drove my car off the side of the road into a ditch and FORTUNATELY the cops didn't come. If I wouldve been "caught" for a DUI or whatever.... that wouldve cost me my job.

She doesn't know about the massage or the out of town girl. She does know about the drunk driving.

My point is..... WHO AM I???? I am the guy who didn't get busted. I know I've done wrong before and SHE has loved me thru it. And I know I have done wrong before and havent gotten caught.... She got caught. If all of my JUNK was opened up and thrown on the carpet, I would be so embarrassed for my actions.

How can I judge her? How can I leave her?

Some of me wants to leave and just start over with someone who won't do this to me. But then again, who am i to leave her... I'm guilty too.
shorty123 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-24-2011, 11:06 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,394
Default Re: I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.

Confess to her what you did and the cheating. She has a right to know.

It may actually help you both find a clarity you didn't have before.
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-24-2011, 11:20 AM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 9
Default Re: I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.

She does deserve to know.
shorty123 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-24-2011, 11:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,394
Default Re: I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.

Yes. She does. 100%.
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-24-2011, 12:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 32
Default Re: I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.

Some psychologists recommend NOT telling a spouse about cheating as it can do much more harm than good.

This is not necessarily my position ... just sayin' is all.
dontKnowMe is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I don't want 2 leave the LOVE of my life... BUT shorty123 General Relationship Discussion 3 06-23-2011 08:54 PM
Don't wanna leave but need to kids involved - long stry need help been up all night KNA2009 Considering Divorce or Separation 1 06-22-2011 10:42 AM
my husband cant cope,now i wanna leave. do i??? DontWannaLeaveHim Dealing with Grief and Loss 9 01-21-2011 09:03 PM
Husband don`t love me, I wanna date Veronica Jackson General Relationship Discussion 21 06-01-2009 10:37 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:52 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.