He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Considering Divorce or Separation » He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate

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Old 06-25-2011, 04:01 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate

Hi Everyone,

I just told my spouse that I want to seperate after 12 yrs. and 2 children.
I had been telling him for the past 6 mths how unhappy I am and suddenly this is a big shock!?!?!?!
I had asked him to go to counselling, but he said that we weren't that bad, even though I laid everything on the line.
He hasn't shed one tear, but is very angry with me and treating me like @$%&.
I'm so sad, what do I do?

Unsure75
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Old 06-25-2011, 10:11 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate

There are different stages to grief and loss, and different reactions. Personally, when I get hurt my immediate reaction is anger, other emotions follow afterward.

As far as what to do, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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Old 06-25-2011, 11:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate

unsure..he is in denial and doesn't really understand the depth of your feelings. He won't until you actually leave him and you most certainly will leave him. Once you are separated it will take him time before he starts to self-reflect on himself and work to improve himself for him and if he doesn't then there is not much you could have ever done to change anything. Some men need a jolt as this to see the marriage is done. Separating is the first step to permanent departure from the marriage in almost all cases. You have already left only he doesn't know it but trust me he will know it and you have to be willing to deal with a wide range of emotions from him. In my case I didn't beg my wife back as I knew when she told me she wanted to separate it was forever. She actually did me a favor.
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Old 06-27-2011, 09:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate

Yep, that's the reaction I got too...denial. My H thinks everything "isn't as bad" as I make out and he "likes me just fine"...
I've tried to explain how deeply unhappy I've been and that I simply want to be happy again, but he doesn't "get it".
My H is also angry now and belittling and picks fights. But when I don't discuss divorce and when I just go about my daily routine, he's fine and kind and nice. We just ignore the elephant in the room, that I want a divorce and am incredibly unhappy.
I hope that your H will come to a place where he can hear what you're saying and will respond with something more than just being angry.
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Old 06-27-2011, 09:39 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate

Well you said you want to divorce him so my advice is to file the paperwork and be done.
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Old 06-27-2011, 09:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate

On the flip side 'onepotatotwo' what do you believe is the reason for your unhappiness?...
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Old 07-01-2011, 09:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate

Have you ever stubbed your toe and realized that it was because of a stupid maneuver and cursed loudly and got very angry and yourself of the object you struck your toe on?

Anger is as valid an emotion/reaction as hurt. They are often coupled together.

Remember you just told your husband you don't want him anymore. Not everyone feels comfortable expressing hurt to someone who just wounded them. Anger is an easier emotion.
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Old 07-02-2011, 12:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: He Not Hurt but Angry That I want to Seperate

My husband is sort of the same. He will not cry over it but instead will show anger. I think the previous posters are right, though, denial is the first response for most people. It's a great mechanism to be used to protect oneself.

Just remember how big of a decision this is and make sure you're happy with the decision. As much as nobody wants to be selfish - your happiness and the well-being of your children is the most important thing at this point.
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