He doesn't make me feel respect me, I feel like he doesn't value me or really appreciate me. I do however, in a weird way, feel like he does love me-- I don't think he'd move from from Florida to Canada if he didn't. He does tell me he loves me. It's not like he's complete frigid d-bag. I feel like he loves me but doesn't respect me--- if that makes sense.
It's funny though, I don't feel appreciated yet he says that I'm unappreciative-- I don't show it enough. I don't know how else to show it?
I know he's not going to change, and I'm really not waiting for it.
All I want to do at this point is manage through this thing and finish school.
Thanks for the advice too, it feels nice to be "heard".
I agree with Jellybeans...it does *not* get better. On some fundamental level, your H is not 'nice' to you. However he is as a person in general, *at home* where it matters, he sounds like a jerk. And like I said in my own post, you can't change someone else or 'make them like you'...
It's ironic how people can see the problems in other's relationships...but when it comes to our own, we seem to be blind sometimes. I'm just starting now to wake up to my own relationship problems...and I can see that my H is alot like yours and others here. For me, I'm beginning to realize I deserve better...again I must refer to the Horrorpops "I don't wanna be treated cold and often left alone....I deserve better than that..."
Those lyrics really stuck in my head and made me realize that that's exactly how I'm treated--cold and uncared for...And my H doesn't care how lonely I am just as long as he gets to go wherever he wants and do what he wants...
I hope you find a place of peace in your life too whatever you decide to do.
Sara, another thing I was going to say was you guys got married REALLY young.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sara_metricfan
. I feel like he loves me but doesn't respect me--- if that makes sense.
It's funny though, I don't feel appreciated yet he says that I'm unappreciative-- I don't show it enough. I don't know how else to show it?
Have you ASKED him how you can make you feel appreciated?
Thing is, this negativity he has, this name-calling, making you feel bad, holding you to a different standard, punching walls out over nonsense--is a problem HE has and it has nothing to do with you.
Until he can see/accept his part in this, then you are facing an uphill battle.
You said it all when you said:
He doesn't make me feel respect me, I feel like he doesn't value me or really appreciate me.
I've been you before. People like your husband do NOT change.
I read your first post and didn't read any responses. Wanted to say I've been married for 18 years and our marriage started off JUST like that. slowely got to where I basically kissed his but while he sat around and complained about what I did or didn't do right. 18years!. Your being a doormat and I think you know you are. I wonder if you lack a bit of self esteem to stand up and say "hey, take off your own socks and the next time you call me a retard knowing I don't like it I'll help you pack"
If he REALL does love you -- walk. He'll change. He'll wake up and realize it ain't gonna cut it no more. If he doesn't change ... trust me you don't want to end up 44years old realizing you've spent your entire life wishing he were different and kicking yourself in the butt for not doing something about it.
I agree with SLR. If you walk and he doesn't want you bad enough to change, then you have your answer. I had to do that and he didn't even fight. Kept blaming me for it all. We're divorced nwo and he STILL texts me about how sad he is for losing everything yet HE is the one who filed divorce and kept thraetening divorce anytime we got into a disagreement.
To this day, he does not own that our marriage ended because HE terminated it all on his own.
Sara it is not going to get better as you get older. Trust me, and as you get older, your fuse for that will get shorter shorter.
My father was like that with my mother. She put up with that crap for a few decades. Now they are both retired, and when they fight, she blows up on him in a second. My dad looks at her like she's crazy, even calls her that...but it's years of that resentment pent up and now spewing out. She can't help it. She took it for so long.
If you love your husband, seek some kind of counseling. If you are too afraid to talk to him about your feelings, in fear of retaliation, you got even bigger problems on your hands and you need to react accordingly.
His behavior will only get worse over time. Your inaction will reinforce his belief that it is perfectly okay to treat you this way.
Oh we've talked. It's just oh god pointless really. I've decided to leave him after I finish school this October. I'll be moving to another city with our daughter (I have a job opportunity there).
I haven't seen him for the past two days--- he's at a friends. I do feel lonely and bored but I feel better too... just having him gone makes me feel better about myself.
I understand this post is old but I feel as though I'm in the same boat. I am a sensitive type. I don't curse but sometimes I say things without knowing they're hurtful because I forget myself, so does that make me abusive? My mom used to smoke and when I was talking to her about my ex smoking in front of his kids not caring if they get sick or not, I forgot to tell my mom, no offense, but she did not say anything. Or I said to my son I don't know who your friends are they may be druggies? I sensed that he's thinking that I'm a bit strange to say that, prejudging people, but I was just concerned about him. He does not hang out with other kids anyway outside of school. Sounds like I'm crazy you think?
I thought Sara can relate to me and I just wanted to share how my husband treats me. My husband is not violent and would never physically abuse me or cheat on me. I totally trust him with that. However he is condescending, if that is the word, sort of look down on people. If he sees someone as dumb he will call you retard, dumb, stupid. I don't mind being called dumb, but not the other words. We recently were discussing something regarding school safety. I disagree and had my own ideas, and he used the word. I just took it and though it hurts I left him at that. After all he provides for me and my kids. I'm thinking I depend on him so much on everything. He talks about my son being retard as well, which I don't like hearing.
His job is not stressful. Perhaps he wishes I found a job, even a part time. Thanks
Re: Is he mean or am I just sensitive? 
