Re: Apathetic husband for too long...
I am one of your listless, vegetables that seem to have given up on their family and is in a darkened corner of the house on the Internet.
My wife always said "you never participate".
Let me tell you my story, I met a young, outspoken woman 23 years ago. I fell in love with her "I can do anything" outlook on life. We argued sometimes about little things, lid off the toothpaste stuff, but we would make up, make love and move on. (so I thought)
We married and three years later started having kids, three girls. She instantly became a mom, she quit her job and she dove into taking care of the girls. It was awesome to see, she was determined to be the best mom. Now I was working allot and we hardly had sex (she was too tired), and on the rare occasions she asked for help, she would dictate every detail of how, what, when and where. If I tried to express an opinion she would get defensive and argue, seemingly to he death if necessary. I grew alarmed as she started controlling everything, and any time I tried to get involved as a father or husband and it deviated from her plan or schedule she would argue.
I thought that as the girls got bigger our marriage would come back into the picture. But she became increasingly more controlling and less tolerant of my input. Oh I could "participate", but she made the schedule, she decided on everything. If I tried to have an opinion she would simply say "do if your self then".
At the same time she complained that I was not helping, not participating.
All I could do is bring in a paycheck, and be her servant, or not. My sex life was in the bathroom alone, except for my birthday, our anniversary and when she felt like it, usually once a month on a good month.
So guess what, I grew to resent her schedule, I stooped "participating" and now we are separated, and of course she blames me, " you were welcome to participate" she would say or "you never helped out" she would screech, "You did it to your self" she would howl.
After years of therapy I came to realize that her paradigm was to become a "single mom" the day the kids were born.
She grew up in a house where her mom called all the shots and her dad went along with it, so that is what she models now, yet she expects the dad/husband to behave like a new age spouse, only without any benefit of being "really involved". I tried to keep involved with my girls lives, but I had to work around the endless agenda
So you can blame him for not being involved and depressed. Well he is ladies.