Thanks Uptown... though one tiny thing is wrong, my husband's father didn't commit suicide, he's alive and healthy and well, so must have been confused with someone else on the forums. My husband was raised in an extremely traditional family, father goes to work for 10 hours a day, mother stays home to take care of the children and have dinner on the table when dad gets home from work.
Another possibility is that your H has strong traits of what Ralph Kline calls secret schizoids, i.e., people who present themselves as socially available, interested, engaged, and involved in interacting in the eyes of the observer, while at the same time, he or she is apart, emotionally withdrawn, and sequestered in a safe place in his or her own internal world. It may be, then, that your H's schizoid traits were always there but, nine years ago, they switched from being covert to overt.
I read about this last night too, and it fits best. For example, if one of my friends or the kids friend's or the neighbors come over, he's all polite and talkative toward them, and the INSTANT they're out the door he's back at his computer. People have told me he's not that introverted, but it's really just a show he puts on when there is someone besides family near.
I also suggest that you consider whether any red flags were evident all through your marriage (starting after the honeymoon period) but which you may have ignored at the time.
Yeah, I see little tiny signs starting from when we were first married, hundreds of very minor things that at the time I just chalked up to an interesting personality, nothing that ever interfered with daily life, but when you look at them over a period of 20 years and add them all up, hmmmm....
Incidentally, I am simply blown away by the home schooling work you're doing for your daughter whose sleep schedule is constantly changing.
Thanks... she's very worth it, IMO
. The single most important
job I will ever have in my life is to raise two happy, well adjusted, successful, independent kids. Just wish I wasn't having to do it feeling like a single parent.
I really appreciate your input here, it's very enlightening for me to read and start understanding and learning about how people function, has definitely given me some insight into why my husband might be the way he is.