I'm scared to tell him.... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 07-22-2011, 04:47 PM Thread Starter
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I'm scared to tell him....

I've been married for 2 1/2 years, I have a 9 month old daughter and I'm 13 weeks pregnant. My husband and I have been having problems off and on since we got married but the last year has been extremely rough. I know we both have things we need to work on. I know I'm not completely innocent, I have a bad temper but when I'm wrong I admit it and do everything I can to show I'm sorry. The problem is when he gets mad during one of our fights he gets cut throat! He will say anything to hurt you, true or not. He cares about winning he doesn't care about how his words hurt. When I tell him how cruel he can be he tells me thats how people fight get used to it. Well I don't know any one outside of his family that intentionally hurts someone they love.

In December of last year things started to get really bad. Christmas morning as I'm walking into the bedroom I see him going through my phone. Well the night before we got into a huge fight and I text my mom tell her I just didn't know what to do anymore I can't deal with him acting Bipolar. Well he read the texts between us and flipped out. After he told me to leave he said he had been keeping a secret from me. My ex had sent me a long letter telling me he was still in love with me and wanted me to leave my husband. Now keep in mind I didn't write the letter, I received it. Well I was supposed to receive it. He checked the mail, saw it and hid it from me. He told me to get out and I could go be with the one I really love. I never said anything about loving anyone else and all of a sudden I'm planning to leave him for my ex. We eventually moved on but things never got much better.

June of this year a friend/coworker sent me a text message that asked how I was doing (I had been out sick for a week) and I told him I found out I was going to be a mommy again. He made a very inappropriate joke. It was not like him at all. He never makes jokes or say things that make me uncomfortable. He is kinda like a big brother to me. Any way I deleted the text message because we were already having problems and knowing my husband he would have gotten the wrong idea. I text him the next day and asked him why would he say something like that to me. He apologized and said it was meant to be funny he didn't mean to offend me. After he explained himself and apologized I felt better and just felt like I took it the wrong way. Well my husband asked me if I had been texting this guy. I told him yes I had sent him a text message to tell him we were expecting. He all of a sudden freaks out about me texting him. I confessed to him about the text message with the bad joke in it and told him I deleted it, he asked why I deleted it. I explained I didn't want him to see it and get the wrong idea because he didn't mean anything by it. He told me he didn't want me to talk to this guy anymore because it made him uneasy. So I told him fine, the next day I called him and said our friendship makes my husband uncomfortable I can't talk to you anymore, please dont text or call me. He said he was sorry for everything and if I ever needed him to just call.

Since then my husband has worked all kinds of hours at his new job. There is an amazing chinese buffet close to where we work. We work about 2 miles from each other. He went to dinner there every night for two weeks, with two other guys. Well I know the family who owns it, they are very sweet people. He told me one of the girls that works up there sits with them every night and talks to them. Well I asked him was it the younger or older girl, he said I dont know. I asked if she has long hair or short hair, he said I don't know. He said she was very friendly, I know which girl he is talking about, she is very sweet but she is a HUGE flirt. And she flirts a lot with married men. He told me he had no clue which girl it was. One day this week I went on facebook to add a comment to his page, he was sick I just wanted to tell him, "I love you, I hope you feel better." Sometimes he says he doesn't get my text messages but I knew he'd get it on Facebook and it would make him smile. When I opened his page there was a comment from the girl he claims he didn't know. I was instantly mad! He lied about knowing the girl then he added her as a friend on facebook and now she is putting comments on his page saying she missed seeing him the other night. I'm mad because I was told a friendship that didn't involve flirting made him uncomfortable but he can be friends with a girl who is known to be a HUGE flirt! Thats not right! I am not a jealous person at all, its a waste of my emotions. I'm not going to stress myself out over what he might or might not do. If he crosses a line its over simple as that. I know there is nothing wrong with me so if he finds something he likes in someone else, so be it.

I haven't said anything to him about it. I don't want a huge fight over it. He asked me the other night if we were ok and I just said yeah. But we aren't I have decided tomorrow night I'm going to sit him down and talk to him about this. I feel like we made a lot of promises to each other that we just haven't kept. When things hit rock bottom we both agreed to give 100% and do our best to improve our attitudes to make things work. Well neither of us is giving 100%. I am trying but I don't want to put my all into making something work if I'm the only one trying to fix it! We talked about divorce before and he said his main concern was that in a few months I might decide this isn't what I want and he would be heart broken. But it's been 3 months and I haven't seen the smallest hint of trying. I don't expect things to become perfect over night but in 3 months you should see some signs of improvement but there isn't. I don't want to be divorced with a 9 month old and pregnant but if this is whats meant to happen I'd rather do it now than waste each others time.

I'm scared of what he is going to do when we talk. I am going to tell him its either going to counseling or I'm leaving. He won't me home most of tomorrow so I've decided to pack some things that we really need to get rid of any way and move them. I have gone over this a million times in my head. I know for sure the first thing I'm going to do is apologize to him because he asked if we were okay for a reason and I should have taken the hint and talked to him then. I know what I want to do I really just don't want to hurt him. I do love him very much I just don't believe we should be married. I'm just not sure I'm in love with him. I love him as the father of my children and as a person but not a husband. I am so scared.
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 07-22-2011, 06:38 PM
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,078
Re: I'm scared to tell him....

Falling in and out of "in love" isn't that uncommon, and you can fall in love with him again.

You both need mc.

Your plan sounds good. Give him time to think about mc.

Best of luck and God bless. Men can change.
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