Silent treatment; too scared to say the words "i want a divorce"
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Old 07-24-2011, 12:36 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Silent treatment; too scared to say the words "i want a divorce"

My husband and i have been together for 22 years. we have 3 children 21, 11 and 10 years old. we are mexican both born and raised in CA. i tell you this because i think that one of the reasons i've stayed with him so long is because i don't want to be considered the stereo typical "single mexican mother"

anyway, my husband has a history of cheating. about 4 years ago i found out he was sexting w/ a girl at work. i don't have proof, but my gut tells me it was more than just sexting. at the time i was too afraid to leave him because our son was just graduating from HS and getting ready to attend college, plus i think I was also afraid to be on my own. i worked thru it and eventually forgave him for the relationship w/ this woman; but never forgot.

fast forward to today. my husband recently lost a significant amount of weight and is obviously feeling confident. i found out a couple of days ago that he as been referring to a coworker as "babe" which is pet name we have for each other, i also found that he has been having several hour long PHONE conversations w/ another woman he says is an "old friend". also, I found that he has been having "chats" another old fried from FB. he called her "chica" which to me is a little too friendly.

i confronted him with this and he had nothing to say except that "it's not what I think". since then I've been giving him the silent treatment and trying to avoid him at home. i just don't know what to say to him, where do i start, what do i say?

it's obvious he's looking for attention from other women. i'm tired of this and i need to build up the strength to leave him. but i'm afraid to be a single mom. plus i know i love him, but i don't like the person he is (can that be possible?)

has anyone out there been thru this? can you give me some encouraging words to find the strength to end this finally?
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Old 07-24-2011, 04:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
anx
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Default Re: Silent treatment; too scared to say the words "i want a divorce"

Does he know that this is a make or break issue. He has pushed you aside before, and you came back. He does not respect you like he should.

I would start with saying that this is going to end the relationship soon. From there, either do marriage counseling, separate, or leave.

You need to make it known to him that this isn't of and you are going to act on it. Just saying it hasn't been good enough. See if he wakes up to be a better man. He may be too far gone.

Best of luck and God bless.
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Old 07-24-2011, 08:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Silent treatment; too scared to say the words "i want a divorce"

does he know it's make it or break it? i think so. the last time with the sexting issue i told him at some point that i was not going to go thru this again; but, here we are again. so, now i have to act, but i'm afraid to. i'm mostly afraid of the "unknown". what will life have in store for me and the kids? i know it will be hard emotionally and financially, so this is part of the reason it is so hard to say the words and make the decision.

i'm glad that you said the he does not respect me. that reinforces what i've been feeling these last several years. i guess i have to work up the courage to demand respect for myself.

thank you so VERY much for taking the time to reply to my message. i really appreciate that you were compelled to do so. good bless you too.
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Old 07-24-2011, 08:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Silent treatment; too scared to say the words "i want a divorce"

I think no matter what you need to do something, and you know that too.

Counseling is far far cheaper than living on your own or a second rent. It may very well mean that you change the relationship to coparenting in the same house for now or the foreseeable future.
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