Failure

One week ago, he dropped the bomb on me. Said he wanted a divorce. I thought things were getting better, seems like I have been wrong.

Problems started early this year, after our son was born. He was heavily in debts, due to his compulsive gambling habits. Things got worse as he started to lost control of it. Ppl has been chasing after him for money until a point where he finally broke down and came up with some stupid decision. Things have been very strained between us, he kept to himself most of the time and refused to talk. He blamed himself a lot for what happened and refused help from me.

Finally managed to get him to talk last night. He wanted a divorce badly, for fear of burdening me any further, said he owed me too much and such, his sense of guilt is too strong to him to even face me properly. During the last mth or so, he admitted to confiding his problems to one of his girl-friend. Thus over time, this friendship seems to have developed to something a little more than that. He admitted he did have a little bit of feelings for her but she has already gone back to her own country. So only contact nowadays is via sms.

His friend offered him a job in another country. He has agreed to take up the offer. Will only be coming back every few months whenever possible to see us. He said this is the only way out for him right now. Note: He has been unemployed for some time now.

Now comes the headache. He is quite determined on the divorce. He told me 1 thing when I asked him to promise me not to come back eventually with another additional "person". He did not dare make that promise. He explained, sometimes when a person is alone and really down, he does need someone to show concern for him too. He is worried that he will meet that someone over there .. and from friendship.. evolved into something else again.

What should I do now? I am quite resigned to fate and I cant see in anyway how I could have avoid a divorce. Moreover what if, in the end, he really does get involved with someone else.

Kauaiguy

Who is us? Is there a child involved?

Him being gone that long WILL present a problem and hard as he might try, he just may get involved in another relationship.

I know that this is hard to take, but on the other hand ... he is giving you a way out, and based on what you've (or should I say HE) has said, the situation is liable to get worse.

The warning messages that he has given you may become a reality because he's readily admitting his weaknesses.

You can wait it out and see what happens in a few months, which WILL be hard to handle. Or you can take his offer if you suspect that it WILL get worse.

No One can really advise you on this one. You know him better than anyone. If you think that he can remain FAITHFUL, then I would take the Wait and See approach.

lovegreen

[QUOTE=Failure;386390]
Finally managed to get him to talk last night. He wanted a divorce badly, for fear of burdening me any further, said he owed me too much and such, his sense of guilt is too strong to him to even face me properly. During the last mth or so, he admitted to confiding his problems to one of his girl-friend. Thus over time, this friendship seems to have developed to something a little more than that. He admitted he did have a little bit of feelings for her but she has already gone back to her own country. So only contact nowadays is via sms.

His friend offered him a job in another country. He has agreed to take up the offer. Will only be coming back every few months whenever possible to see us. He said this is the only way out for him right now. Note: He has been unemployed for some time now.

Now comes the headache. He is quite determined on the divorce. He told me 1 thing when I asked him to promise me not to come back eventually with another additional "person". He did not dare make that promise. He explained, sometimes when a person is alone and really down, he does need someone to show concern for him too. He is worried that he will meet that someone over there .. and from friendship.. evolved into something else again.


IMO he has already found some one...his friend went back to her country...his friend offered him a job in another country...would these two countries happen to be the same place??? IMO reason he is determined to get divrce and his inability to promise not to let "friendship" evolve as he needs someone to show concern.... ...Be smart don't be lied to...if he wants out and is moving...let him go.

Failure

More Updates:

He has finally admitted there's a third party involved. That 3rd party is from the very same country he is going. And yes, we have a kid, he's only 7 mths old now.

I have decided to let go, file for deed of separation and divorce after that.

We have only been married for a year.

Jellybeans

My bet is thet hird party is the "friend" he told you about.

Hit him fast with divorce papers and child support. Seriously. Lawyer up STAT before he leaves.

He just did you a MASSIVE favor. He has shown he cannot be responsible by way of marriage, fatherhood, and financially. And he sounds like a little boy who runs away from his problems.

I am sorry you find yourself in this positiononly a year into marriag eand with a little baby but ya know what--be glad it happened now and not ten years from now. I know it still hurts you be deserve so much more than what this guy is worth. You are UP here and he way down there (in the land of Loserville).

DO LAWYER UP STAT. FILE FILE FILE.