ohsobless

Hello everyone, I'm new here and am so thankful to God, that I found this place. I must warn you that this is a long post. I tried to condense it the best I could.

Okay, My husband and I started dating in 1997 over the internet. We are a mixed couple and both single parents and lived in different states. He is 9 years older than me, he's from a small cow town and I'm a city girl. (I just wanted to paint a picture for you before going on.)

He'd been married twice and for me never. After two years of emails and us racking up frequent flyer miles. I left my job I'd had for over 15 years, I packed up my teenage sons, landed a job in his town before moving there. But I made sure to get my own place. Things went well for a while, I was working and my kids were in school. My husband and I were the best of friends and we loved each other deeply.

But after about two years his son got into trouble and we moved back to my state (he'd live there before prior to meeting me, so this was nothing new for him.) Still in our own homes things were great. But once again his son had to move because he'd gotten into trouble. This time I wasn't going to put my kids though that again. Sadly he went with his son to take care of him. My husband and I were back to square one, emailing, phone calls, frequent flyer miles. We missed each other really bad.

Anyways, in 2004 I finally said yes to marring him...mind you, he was still living out of state. But this time my children didn't want to relocate and neither did his son...they were all too young to be on their own, and neither of us wanted to abandon our children. We should had talked about this in more depth before getting married.

We separated 12 days later! We tried to work things out but our children wouldn't agree. Besides his son most dictated to his father what his father was and wasn't going to do. That was another problem. He had access to his father's bank account, emails...you name it!

I asked for a divorce in 2006 and he finally agreed. So I filed the paperwork, paid the cost of having him served...everything. We decided not to divorce just before the court date. Again his son couldn't find work and was still living with his father for support. And he was now at the age of marriage and had taken a wife who also didn't want to work. She didn't want leave her small town to relocate to a big city. My husband pleaded with thim to find work and hold on to it because he wanted to be make things work with HIS WIFE and kids! That didn't happen.

So ever since then I'd been asking for help from him on getting a divorce. I had fallen on really hard times and didn't have the money to do it myself. Had no way of paying anyone back if they had it to lend me! My husband found himself still being a Globe Trotter...moving from place to place.

Each time I talk to my husband about divorcing me, he'd just give me the bush off. He'd carry a conversation about anything except that.

So I'd hadd more than ENOUGH! So I'd blocked him from any email sites, facebook and everything I could think of, even changed my phone number. I also made him think that I lived at a different address. In Dec., 2010 I had a feeling something wasn't right with him and I just couldn't shake that feeling. So I broke my silence and emailed him.

He was happy to hear from me and went on and on about how he'd been sick, his son still wasn't holding down a job. He'd been okayed for Social Security Disablity. Said they couldn't live on that alone. Had to go back to truck driving and thinks he broke something in his chest pulling on a bolt on the truck. It hurts sometimes to even breathe. Had Ulcers really bad and was on strong pain medication and that he thinks that they are bleeding. He also that as long as he wrote that as it seemed like as long as he was bringing in the money everyone seem to be happy with him. Told me his brother had died. Said that before his brother's death he thought he would be next because he was in so much bad shape. Said he wasn't crying on my shoulders and that it was something that he just had to deal with.

God forgive me but I said something that I should not had to all of that. I wanted to hurt him so I told him that he shouldn't be telling me his business. That I had nothing to do with any of that all I've been asking for is a divorce. Told him I was welling to come to his state and we could go to the court house and get the ball rolling. That this was just all the same...crap just different day! Friends, I wanted to hurt him for stringing me along all these years...and not standing up to his son! I was his wife for goodness sakes! I didn't want to talk about anything else except our divorce...I was mad! At that time, I didn't see read his words as just maybe a cry for my help!

Month's had past and now, I had a Facebook account and on it I had posted yesterday, that my kid's father and I were now friends again...(just friends). I had never visited my husband's Facebook page before that day. I went there because I wanted to see his picture(s) and I'd missed my old friend.

Well first I'd read that he was in a relationship. Well life does go on and that was just fine. But there were no pictures of them together anywhere, or with just her alone. Strang because my husband is a picture taking freak. So I went to his girlfriend's page and there wasn't even a mention of being in a relationshop more-less pictures of them together or him alone, and I wondered why. I viewed his page again for his photos and OMG, he looked like he'd been carrying the weight of the world all in his face and on his shoulders. His body was VERY THIN, like about 100-110 pounds! He looked just as he'd saf... in very bad shape. My husband is now 61 and I'm now 52 but he looks to be well into his 70! All my hurtful words came flooding back to me. The guilt is eating me alive!

Seeing him that way all I wanted to do was to say I was wrong for being so cold hearted...nothing more. But I just couldn't bring myself to tell him!

I wrote him a message saying how good it was that he has someone in his life...and I really meant that! And for him to take care of himself.

I hadn't talk to sister in years, but i saw where she had posted her concerns about his health and weight. I emailed a letter to her, telling her to help his girlfriend with him because he can be bull headed. I told her I'd been in the medical field for over 20 years and his illness is taking it's told. That just maybe his girlfriend is just what the doctor ordered. Someone to help pick up the slack and share in his burdens. I asked her not to tell him about me sharing my concerns with her because I didn't want him to think that it was anything more than that. I told her that he must be serious about this woman because I know her brother...WELL! That he wouldn't post anything like that unless he was serious. I told her not to worry too much because looks like he's on the right track, I believe that he was going to be just fine. Another thing between you guys and me just maybe he really doesn't care one way or the other. It could be just me feeling guilty. But what happen next I don't understand and I hope someone could explain this to me!

Well the next day he had taken his girlfriend picture away, but not the post about him being in a relationship. Then later that day my sister wanted to me to send her the picture of him because she was concerned as well.

I guess I wasn't suppose to share in the joy of his relationship. I guess didn't react the way he thought i might by getting upset by not showing any jealousy. Or he still held what I said to him against me and it still tweeks a little.

I also believe that his sister told him what I said. Anyway he had totally blocked me from his page. Have I made an emeny of him? Why would he string along for all these years without divorcing me? Maybe now with this girlfriend he might find the need to do so. To answer any questions on how long they've been together, I don't know. All I know is I'm still married...i've checked. Or just maybe I will come up with the money somehow to get it done. Please someone help me...I need closure! Thank you for reading this LONG post.

827Aug

I'm not sure I understand all of your post. But,..... it sounds as though your husband does not have the funds to initiate a divorce. Or at least he perceives it to be too expensive. Also, he has no strong motivation for wanting a divorce. It doesn't sound as though you are highly motivated either.

You can get a divorce without his approval. It should be fairly simple since your lives aren't entangled.

ohsobless

Sorry about that 827Aug. When I re-read my post this morning, I saw that half of it was missing. Which would really make this a lot clearer. Good thing I added my back up copy. Sorry you only got just that half of the story. But now it's all there...lol.
God Bless.