I thought I'd be over it by now....
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Old 08-10-2011, 03:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I thought I'd be over it by now....

So, I dated a guy from high school mostly on and somewhat off for four years. I then met a guy who I fell in love with but we had a crazy, rocky dating relationship due to him being hung up on a long-time ex of his own. We were very off and on for a year before he proposed and I accepted. Two weeks before he proposed we were both hanging out with our exes. I think I just wanted to get married, so I said yes.

Besides fighting about his ex, we never did. It was perfect....until we got engaged. Our engagement was awful. I constantly had second thoughts but I just couldn't imagine backing out. So 3 months later we got married. It was completely rushed, and I still thought about my ex all the time. I just assumed I was scared to move forward and figured all those thoughts/feelings would go away. They didn't.

I was surprised to find out a couple months after being married that I was pregnant. We had very busy, opposite work schedules so we rarely ever had sex. Before our first anniversary, we had our adorable little boy. I always wanted to be a mom, so I thought this for sure would silence any thoughts of my ex. It didn't.

Now, three years into marriage, I am wondering if I will ever get over him or if I should quit fighting it. He's still single...I'd like to think b/c he still hasn't gotten over me either. We talk occasionally and I don't hide this from my husband. He knows and doesn't necessarily like it, but figures if I don't hide it then it's ok. He doesn't know I've been dreaming about my ex on a very regular basis the entire time we've been married. I just can't get him out of my head or heart. Am I being cruel by staying in this marriage?? I have to say, I think I would just walk if not for my son. I don't want him to grow up in a split family. However, I feel like the longer I wait the bigger of a lie it is.

What should I do??

Help, please!! :|
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Old 08-10-2011, 08:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I thought I'd be over it by now....

Quote:
Two weeks before he proposed we were both hanging out with our exes. I think I just wanted to get married, so I said yes.
There should have been a RED flag here.

Quote:
Our engagement was awful. I constantly had second thoughts but I just couldn't imagine backing out.
When your inner feelings is telling you that there's something wrong, you should listen.

Quote:
Now, three years into marriage, I am wondering if I will ever get over him or if I should quit fighting it. He's still single...I'd like to think b/c he still hasn't gotten over me either. We talk occasionally and I don't hide this from my husband
Not a good sign of a stable relationship.

Quote:
Am I being cruel by staying in this marriage?
Yes, Do BOTH yourselves a favor and get out of this mess before things get out of control.

Your husband maybe devastated at first but better to get it over with now than later. He will eventually get over the pain of the divorce and will go on ... hopefully ... to a better life. He may not think so now but time does heal all wounds.

I'm sure that him being aware that you still think about your ex boyfriend frequently is eating at him. He may not say so now but as time passes and this continues, you're liable to see a retaliation of some sort. It can get worse!

The sad part is, you may be headed for a serious disappointment. More often than not (in a situation like yours), Grass is NOT greener on the other side. You need to get yourself straightened out before making any more commitments.

Last edited by Kauaiguy; 08-10-2011 at 11:07 PM.
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