08-10-2011, 03:29 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
| | I thought I'd be over it by now....
So, I dated a guy from high school mostly on and somewhat off for four years. I then met a guy who I fell in love with but we had a crazy, rocky dating relationship due to him being hung up on a long-time ex of his own. We were very off and on for a year before he proposed and I accepted. Two weeks before he proposed we were both hanging out with our exes. I think I just wanted to get married, so I said yes.
Besides fighting about his ex, we never did. It was perfect....until we got engaged. Our engagement was awful. I constantly had second thoughts but I just couldn't imagine backing out. So 3 months later we got married. It was completely rushed, and I still thought about my ex all the time. I just assumed I was scared to move forward and figured all those thoughts/feelings would go away. They didn't.
I was surprised to find out a couple months after being married that I was pregnant. We had very busy, opposite work schedules so we rarely ever had sex. Before our first anniversary, we had our adorable little boy. I always wanted to be a mom, so I thought this for sure would silence any thoughts of my ex. It didn't.
Now, three years into marriage, I am wondering if I will ever get over him or if I should quit fighting it. He's still single...I'd like to think b/c he still hasn't gotten over me either. We talk occasionally and I don't hide this from my husband. He knows and doesn't necessarily like it, but figures if I don't hide it then it's ok. He doesn't know I've been dreaming about my ex on a very regular basis the entire time we've been married. I just can't get him out of my head or heart. Am I being cruel by staying in this marriage?? I have to say, I think I would just walk if not for my son. I don't want him to grow up in a split family. However, I feel like the longer I wait the bigger of a lie it is.
What should I do??
Help, please!! :|