Re: Feeling inconsequential please help!
First off, take no offense to this. This is a great site and everyone here is trying to help.
Second off, a lot of what you write does in fact have "Nice Guy" written all over it. Please go to the Mens forum and read the stickies at the top of the forum. You may just find parts of yourself in that write up.
I get the impression that you don't want to rock the boat, so to speak, with your wife. So, in essence, you are letting your personal boundaries be easily broken by your wife. Go to the Mens forum, and search for Boundaries, and how to hold onto them. If you don't hold onto your boundaries, what happens is your wife loses respect for you (you become less Alpha in your ways, and exhibit too much Beta). This is a turn off for women, and leads to a lessened sexual attraction by your wife towards you. Don't laugh at this. This is ten million years of evolution at work, operating at even a subconscious level. Go to marriedmansexlife.com. Read the posts there. It's good advise for getting some Alpha bad boy strong man in control type of behavior back in your relationship.
Next, visit the Mens forum, and look up on relationship thermostats and emotional barometers. You may be the hotter more affectionate person in your relationship, and the dynamics are skewed. Also good advise if you read the posts.
Next, as part of your "Alpha" journey....protect your marriage. NotAGoodSlave has it right, in that she was looking for stability during her child-making, man-provider search. Now that this is "fulfilled", she's looking for Alpha bad boys again. This needs to be you. Not an ex.
As far as the exes go....wtf! Never ever tolerate that kind of behavior from your wife. This is now part of your manning up journey. Tell her flat out NO FKN way are you to ever contact, email, phone, or go for lunch with an ex. And if she ever brings up a comparison between you and an ex in such a disrespectful manner again, then tell her she's free to leave if she wants. The kids stay with you. This seems counter intuitive, but it's all about gaining respect, and not exhibiting doormat behavior. Remember...respect is sexy....doormats are not.
Keep in mind, being more Alpha is NOT about being a d$ck. It's about you knowing exactly who you are, what you believe in, what your strengths are, and what your boundaries are. It's also about being so confident with YOURSELF as a man and your personality and your sexuality that you will never ever be afraid of leaving her if you feel like she is beyond disrespecting you or disrespecting your boundaries.
So...go to the gym. Start working out. Increase your sex rank. Get more alpha. Start acting like you are the most confident person in the world. Her moods don't affect you. You are always calm, confident, and in control of yourself. Get a hobby. Go out with friends at least once a week without her. Have man time only. Plan a date with her. Don't ask her. Just do. Tell her when you get home to put on that tight black short dress cuz you got a babysitter and your taking her out. Be that self confident man to the full potential.
Also, never ever ever be scared of talking to your wife or her reactions if you have an issue. Just be calm, and in control. Talk with a stern, but non-condescending voice. Don't let her blow off your interactions with you like that when you have questions. You have every right to get answers. If she gets emotional, hold up your hand and tell her that we will resume this conversation when she's ready to talk like a mature adult. then just leave the room, or the house. Act like it's no big deal to you. But then remember to get back to that talk again.
The...I never loved you....speech. This is a warning, by the way. It's similar to the I love you but I'm not in love with you talk. Typically, this means your wife is either in an affair, or is considering one. What she is doing is rewriting your entire marital history in her head to justify her behavior, or behavior she wants to pursue. Me...I would investigate for an affair. But, at the same time, and knowing what I do now through my own experiences in my marriage...I only have one answer for that statement that I myself would give my wife....
"well, if you aren't in love with me and never were, I guess we should just divorce then. I'm sure I will have no problem finding someone that actually does love me."
But then again, I've already went through a lot of what your just starting, and it takes a while to get to that point with yourself.
Keep asking questions here, friend. Lots of good advise on this site.
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