Originally Posted by 3littleangelsmom View Post
Thank you so much for you words! I have told him I am leaving. He is still texting and emailing me daily.... "i am sorry" I can change, I see my issues now... give us time."
I am TIRED!
Woo-hoo! Good for you, telling him you're leaving!!!!
Unfortunately, he probably won't leave you alone for a long time. Unless you're very lucky and he goes away quietly, actually escaping an abuser is an endurance game. You just have to outlast him. Eventually he will move on to a new target. Though he may still try you again periodically as the years go by, to see if you've softened. So, it's a long-term endurance game. I wish it were otherwise.
Here are a few suggestions for winning the endurance game:
Read all of his messages as actually meaning, "I'll SAY just about anything to get you to stay, because words are CHEAP and they usually work like a charm. Minimum effort, maximum payoff. Is it working yet?"
He will try to make you feel guilty. Making you feel guilty and telling you that it's all your fault has probably worked very well for him in the past. I suggest writing up a list, and putting it in your journal or somewhere private, of all of the reasons you have to leave him. "He screamed at me constantly," "He told me I was stupid and worthless," "I always felt like I was walking on eggshells," "I had lost all respect for him," "I felt like I was going insane," etc., etc. My own list had over 100 reasons to leave. Refer to that list whenever the second thoughts kick in. (I also did a list of reasons to stay... that list had maybe 8 things on it, and none of them very compelling. That was useful for perspective, too.)
Also, whenever I had second thoughts and self-doubt, I'd tell myself, "You CAN call him if you want. Right NOW, you can call him and tell him you want him back. Do you want to do that?" I'd ask myself straight out and honestly. And every time, I'd realize, "NO WAY do I want to go back." And the thoughts would pass.
If you have a close friend or family member who "never liked" your husband or is definitely going to be on your side, make an agreement that you can call him/her anytime you feel tempted to go back. I had someone like this in my court and it was soooo helpful to get that "sanity check" whenever I was veering off into "how can I do this to him?" territory.