Can I ever hope to be intimate again?
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Old 08-12-2011, 08:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Can I ever hope to be intimate again?

I don't even know how ro begin. I am so crazy confused and in distress. I am 36 and have 3 grt kids. I am in my 15th year of marriage to a man who is verbally and emotionally abusive. He is desperate to save the marriage and says he will change. However there is something a little deeper going on. Not until I hit deep depression and started seeing a therapist did it come out that my husband has also sexually abused me in different ways over the years that started before we got married. Partly one of he reasons I felt I HAD to marry him. ( alon with a host of other reasons) we have never had a healthy intimate life and even when we do engage, I would go into the bathroom and cry after. I really thought something was wrong with me, but I know am coming to grips with reality. I can't look at him , don't want him to touch me, can't even hug him. I don't k iw that I will ever be able to be intimate with him again. Is this too far gone? Will I ever be able to get past this to have a healthy intimate relationship? He says time, forgiveness, and compassion will heal us.
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Old 08-12-2011, 08:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can I ever hope to be intimate again?

What has he done? I mean, you don't need to give details, but what happened?
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Old 08-12-2011, 09:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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What has he done? I mean, you don't need to give details, but what happened?
prior to our wedding I guess you would call it molestation. That same thing he did two more times after we were married, pushed himself into the shower when I said no. Pressures me to wear certain clothes until I finally gave in. Sexual comments . Grabbed me when he would walk by even though I told him pls don't. The most recent thing was he videotaped me without my knowledge getting dressed and showering to take on his business trip with him. Etc...
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Old 08-12-2011, 09:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can I ever hope to be intimate again?

Hm...He is aggressive and you are not.

Why do you not like him grabbing you or joining you in the shower? Is he mean when he does it?

My husband does everything on there (but I don't say no to him) and i love it.

I'm just trying to understand.
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Old 08-12-2011, 11:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can I ever hope to be intimate again?

Your emotional connection sucks with him. You have to build that and you would most likely not look at this senario as abuse.
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Old 08-13-2011, 10:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can I ever hope to be intimate again?

I want to say that I'm not trying to belittle your situation, however, there is hope. You have things to deal with in your heart as does your husband. This is one of those moments where you choose to love instead of "feeling" like loving. Men are hard headed. It takes us a long time to gain vision on how to emotionally connect and support a wife.
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Old 08-13-2011, 11:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can I ever hope to be intimate again?

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Not until I hit deep depression and started seeing a therapist did it come out that my husband has also sexually abused me in different ways over the years that started before we got married. Partly one of he reasons I felt I HAD to marry him. ( alon with a host of other reasons) we have never had a healthy intimate life and even when we do engage, I would go into the bathroom and cry after. I really thought something was wrong with me, but I know am coming to grips with reality. I can't look at him , don't want him to touch me, can't even hug him. I don't k iw that I will ever be able to be intimate with him again. Is this too far gone? Will I ever be able to get past this to have a healthy intimate relationship? He says time, forgiveness, and compassion will heal us.
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3littleangelsmom....don't mean to get personal..was your husband the only one that abused you? did you discover that you were molested as a child?
My story is similar, I was molested as a child and my husband had put in hidden camera, sex issues, etc. Promised he wouldn't do it again...he did. Now I know its time to leave. I nned to be comfortable in my own home. Everyone deserves that...
If your relationship will never be healthy, why stay? I had my ahah moment. Hopefully you will realize you deserve PEACE..sooner than I did.
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Old 08-17-2011, 10:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can I ever hope to be intimate again?

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3littleangelsmom....don't mean to get personal..was your husband the only one that abused you? did you discover that you were molested as a child?
My story is similar, I was molested as a child and my husband had put in hidden camera, sex issues, etc. Promised he wouldn't do it again...he did. Now I know its time to leave. I nned to be comfortable in my own home. Everyone deserves that...
If your relationship will never be healthy, why stay? I had my ahah moment. Hopefully you will realize you deserve PEACE..sooner than I did.
I have no memories of being molested as a child. I even asked my family. The first issues of what I felt was molestation was before we got married. We were engaged at the time. Thanks for your thoughts....
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