Me and my wife have been together about 9 years. We have a two year old child. We have been married about 3 and a half years. To be honest we have fought about 8 years of those. I am writing because I seem to be living with all the bad that has happened and with the " what could have been in the past." For the past year I have had thoughts of a man she saw before we were married. We were split up at the time she saw this man but she was seeing me at the same time. I had moved out of the place we lived but she came over almost every night to stay with me. She ended up getting pregnent with his baby and having an abortion. I look back on this past event more often now I guess because my brother recently got a divorce. I know I was bad to her at the time " I moved out" but I just cant forget about the past and it has been four years.I thought I had at the time we got married after that. I have even thought about seeing someone else just to get even and leave the past in the past. Our marriage has been mostly rocky since the start of it. We have said things to each other that one should not say. Our fights is one of the reasons I moved out before we were married. After the baby was born our sex life went down hill. After two years I have found that I have to beg her for sex. Before we were married this was not a problem. I told her recently that I would never trust her that way I used to before she had another relationship. I just want to be happy. I dont want to ruin my childs life or hers. I know that this situation is more my fault tha hers. I had serious doubts before we got married and before we decided to have the child.
The grass is neither greener or will help you. You need to invest into your marriage, and learn the right way to be a partner. ven if you splot what knowledge do you really think you will get from it?
The fact that you entertained the idea of having an affair to "get even" shows that you are not ideal husband material - YET. Why not decide that you are going to go all out to be the perfect husband? Then you will find the grass is indeed greener - in your own damn garden!
I have discovered that most married women go off sex with their husbands, due to a gradual build up of resentment. It's literally a wall of resentment. If you could ask yourself what you did to make her resentful, you would be surprised at how easy it is to make things better.
Hitting the gym, and working on your looks, ain't a bad idea too
The grass is greener on the other side....if you water it, fertilize it, invest in it, tend to it, and take care of it. It doesnt grow on its own. Its a reflection of the investment you've made in it. If you dont like the color of the grass you're standing in, maybe you should turn on the hose...
The fact that you entertained the idea of having an affair to "get even" shows that you are not ideal husband material - YET. Why not decide that you are going to go all out to be the perfect husband? Then you will find the grass is indeed greener - in your own damn garden!
I have discovered that most married women go off sex with their husbands, due to a gradual build up of resentment. It's literally a wall of resentment. If you could ask yourself what you did to make her resentful, you would be surprised at how easy it is to make things better.
Hitting the gym, and working on your looks, ain't a bad idea too
pretty solid advice and insight my man.
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
In my house, just mentioning sex generally turns her off. I think she like the mysticism of it. Women can't stand beggars. I feel they like to "hunt". The only thing is I think women are able to go longer without eating. Ha-ha. I think we will all be able to right a book after awhile. Things are sounding quite similar on this site.
A couple of quick thoughts that you should really really take to heart from someone who has been to the edge of the abysss several times and has learned what works and what doen't the hard way and the expensive way.
#1 - Dude your married...marriage isn't supposed to make you happy that's your job ...marriage is only supposed to make you married and to supply the foundation and support system for you to go forth and self actualize. Nurture it and it reaps great dividends ...squandor it and disrespect it with childish temper tantrums i.e. "maybe I should have an affair to get back at here" or "mommy mommy bobby hit me" your an adult ..time to step up and be the example you want her to see.
#2 - BTW these aren't exactly in order of importance if they were this would be number 1)
-Marriage, Commitment, Love, Happiness, Fidelity, are not feelings or acts you do THEY ARE DECISIONS YOU MAKE! read that over and over again ... Marriage is a decision, Commitment is a decision... etc. if you are able to consider for more than a feelting instant (and even then probably not) about divorcing then you have not made the right decision. Your feelings for her are not dependant upon anything she does (either good or bad) your DECISION to COMMIT TO HER FOR LIFE...AKA MARRIAGE is unconditional ...in other words..WITH NO CONDITIONS ATTACHED! Once you make the decision to love etc. that decision will set you free ...and once you walk the walk and demonstrate those decisions to her by your actions and unconditional decisions to love she will notice and either jump on board or not... GO SEE A MOVIE CALLED "FIREPROOF" its in alot of theaters now and challenge yourself to take the "Love Dare" ...it will help you understand about unconditional love ... the next thing you should do with her is
#3 whether you are Catholic or not go through the " retrouvailles " program ... it's not a religious program even though the Catholic church sponsors it and when we went there were over 70% non catholics there ...they don't beat you up with religion they let you beat yourself up with the mistakes you are both making in such a away as to allow you to see them and learn from them ... plan on a very emotional weekend as you see and hear from others (not you) the heart felt pain and joy they have gotten from their marriages ...the role they played in those events and finally HOW THEY LEARNED TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER EFFECTIVELY
IF YOU DO ALL OF THESE THINGS ...AND REALLY PUT YOUR HEART AND SOUL INTO THEM YOU WILL WALK AWAY A MUCH BETTER HUSBAND AND PERSON... GUARANTEED!
Last edited by rogerisright; 11-28-2008 at 02:23 PM.
Reason: ADD TO IT
Is the grass greener on the other side?
