Husband is "willing to share me"!!
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Old 08-24-2011, 07:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband is "willing to share me"!!

I have been married for almost 10 years and have 3 beautiful children aged 12, 3 and 9 months. Before I married my husband we had discussions about him wanting a threesome. He has had these in the past with previous partners but not with me and I have no interest in it. Before I married him he promised me he wasn’t going to ask me again about having one. We had put this issue to rest and he accepted the fact it is not something I want to try. In the last couple of months we have hit a rough patch and sure enough he is now saying he wants a threesome. I have only slept with 2 people in my life and find sex something special. Obviously I have been distraught cos now my husband says we want different things. He even told me the other day he was ‘willing to share me”!!! Gee how lovely of him!!! He is trying to sell me on 2 men and then I know he will say but we had another man, now my turn for a woman. I am almost 33 years old and the idea of starting over with 3 kids is terrifying. I love my husband to bits but when he told me he was willing to share me, he broke my heart and I don’t know if it can ever be repaired. I am still so physically attracted to him and I do love him, but everyday I sit here questioning what I am doing still married to a man who is "willing to share me"??? I am so confused. Any advice??
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Old 08-24-2011, 09:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is "willing to share me"!!

Aside from the obvious moral issue and a complete lack of respect for you and your marriage vows here are 10 reasons why this is a really bad idea.........

1. Chlamydia

2. Syphilis

3. HIV/Aids

4. Gonorrhoea

5. Genital Warts

6. Pubic Lice or Crabs

7. Vaginitis

8. Hepatitis

9. Human Papillomavris

10. Trichomoniasis

And by the way.......just a reminder.........#3 eventually kills you.
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Old 08-24-2011, 09:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is "willing to share me"!!

Your husband is an idiot. A good percentage of the time the wife leaves the husband for the lover anyway. Then the husband is sad.
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Old 08-24-2011, 09:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is "willing to share me"!!

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Originally Posted by NotaGoodSlave View Post
Aside from the obvious moral issue and a complete lack of respect for you and your marriage vows here are 10 reasons why this is a really bad idea.........

1. Chlamydia

2. Syphilis

3. HIV/Aids

4. Gonorrhoea

5. Genital Warts

6. Pubic Lice or Crabs

7. Vaginitis

8. Hepatitis

9. Human Papillomavris

10. Trichomoniasis

And by the way.......just a reminder.........#3 eventually kills you.
This is EXACTLY why I haven't slept around in my lifetime. I am soooo scared of all the 10 things above. I knew he had done all different things in his past so I assumed he was over it. But to tell the mother of your 3 kids you are willing to share her, I don't know/think I can get over this. Everyday I am crying cos I am remebering exactly what6 he said, how he said it and it is eating me up on the inside. I think deep down I know what to do, but that is the scary path in life I guess.
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Old 08-24-2011, 10:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is "willing to share me"!!

Tell your H that you will not bring in an alpha male to replace his beta sorry @ss, and that you expect him to man up a take care of you as the alpha male in this marriage.
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Old 08-24-2011, 11:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is "willing to share me"!!

I would be suspicious as to WHY he wants to share you. Is he cheating? Did he cheat and feels guilty? Those are thoughts that run through my head.
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Old 08-24-2011, 11:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I would be suspicious as to WHY he wants to share you. Is he cheating? Did he cheat and feels guilty? Those are thoughts that run through my head.
I have had sooo many thoughts running through my head since all this happened too. I question EVERYTHING now. Didn't before. I am pretty sure he isn't cheating because of the timings for work etc. I could be wrong though. I admit and I hate myself for this, I have been checking his phone, emails etc. My gut says there is more to this than he is telling me. I also know that if I ever agreed to a 3some with a man, he would turn around and say it is only fair we now have to do it with a female. Honestly no offence to gay or bi people, the idea of a woman and me is just disgusting. I am not homophobic, I have several gay friends, both male and female, it is just not something that turns me on at all!! He knows it isn't me and I am so mad he is putting this on me!!!
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Old 08-25-2011, 12:41 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is "willing to share me"!!

You don't have to apologize for being straight! LOL I would never want to go down on a woman. Eesh. No. Do I hate gay people? No way. I'm simply not gay.

Tell your husband to sod off. If he is using this to open the door to openly cheat on you, bring that to his attention. Stand your ground and never do ANYTHING sexual you aren't comfortable doing.
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Old 08-25-2011, 01:01 AM   #9 (permalink)
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That girl I agree. I will never do a 3some. It is not something I want to do and I know he will want to do it with both a male and a female plus I find him enough for me but I am slowly realising that I don't think I am enough for him so he might end up being able to do what he wants when he wants. As sad as I feel saying that, I feel sick all the time at the moment cos I think of what he wants me to do and what he said to me about sharing me. I am not a piece of meat and it is not up to him to be ok with sharing me. We have a holiday booked in a couple of weeks and I keep telling myself to keep the peace until then so the kids can have a great holiday and then I think I should tell him to move out and on!! If I am not enough, then he can sod off. I agree. Thanks for listening and responding!!!
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Old 08-25-2011, 01:12 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is "willing to share me"!!

This is totally wrong of him. Don't let him disrespect you like this. Tell him you want a separation till he gets his head on straight. Maybe it will shock him into realizing what he could be giving up if you leaven him permanently.

Don't be snowed by promises. Insist on some time apart - and then if you think it is worth it, counseling. There is no way you should subject yourself, and your kids to something like this. What does he think marriage means anyway?

You might find doing the right thing frightening, but it's worse to be pressured into doing something you believe is inherently wrong and starting down that path.

Take courage girl, get the support of your family and stick to your guns!
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Old 08-25-2011, 01:24 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is "willing to share me"!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Atholk View Post
Your husband is an idiot. A good percentage of the time the wife leaves the husband for the lover anyway. Then the husband is sad.
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Old 08-25-2011, 07:43 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband is "willing to share me"!!

I suggest you tell him that real life and real love and commitment do not come from a porno.

Marriages that last usually have giving caring people in them that put their marriage first.

He has made you doubt his love and endangered your marriage.

Tell him you aren't attracted to weak men who do not put their wives first. It seems many men want threesomes, but not just any man can be strong and lead his marriage and make it something great. Then say threesomes are out, but you are considering single dom and solitary masturbation as if he isn't committed to your marriage and loving you and protecting you then you are not sure it's what you want.

The fact that he would risk your emotional well being and physical well being is very alarming.
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Old 08-25-2011, 10:03 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Make an appointment with a sex therapist, and/or a marriage counselor to get both of you addressing each other's needs more appropriately.
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Old 08-25-2011, 10:16 AM   #14 (permalink)
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hiya hunni, I am going through a very similiar situation as you and its very scary, my hubby of 13 years has actually been talking to other women online about such matters and i just really hope this is not happening to you! xx can i suggest you download a program called keylogger onto every computer you have in the house.... you can get it from the internet for free... someone on here recommended it and its ace.. basically it tracks everything that is done on the computer and saves it so you can go and see whats been happening.... i have installed this and as my hubby thinks i'm completely useless with a computer when it comes to programs he has no idea it is there.. and i can see evrytime he has logged on and what hes looking at... its an ingenious invention and you can hide it so they dont know its there... and check it when they at work..... i really really hope your hubby hasnt done anything behind your back... as in my experience my hubby did and its tore me apart xxx good luck hunni xx
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Old 08-25-2011, 11:23 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Ok, here is my take on this. I think you should tell him that you are not someone who is interested in open marriages and a swinger type lifestyle. Tell him that your fantasies do not involve relationships outside your marriage. Tell him you are willing to talk about fantasies but that you are not interested in relationships of a sexual nature outside of your marriage.

I personally think that the main thing about keeping a marriage strong is communicating your feelings without anger, and trying to have trust and respect for your partner.

You made it pretty clear before you got married that you are not a person interested in threesomes, swinging, or relationships outside the marriage. Stick to your guns.
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