11-25-2008, 01:37 PM
Join Date: Nov 2008
| | Re: This is killing me
Originally Posted by swedish
The issue you have now is her male friend. It has the signs of an emotional affair and is most likely filling a void she felt within your marriage (feeling loved, appreciated, etc.) As long as she continues to get that from him, it will cloud her thinking and she will be less apt to want to do any work within the marriage.
At this point, putting that in her face and talking to her parents may only backfire and push her further away and closer to him if she seeks him out for support. The best thing you can do in this situation is to do things for yourself, have fun with your kids & be a happy, loving dad and man and give her space to figure things out. If it were me (and it was a year ago) I would and did say I did not feel we could work on our marriage if his female 'friend' remained in the picture. Fortunately, my husband agreed and ended the friendship. This is very difficult for many to do in this situation as they feel this friend is the only one who truly understands how they feel and makes them feel validated.
I couldn't agree with you more. I told her that if we did decide to work on things then it had to be just us. If not, any time in the future I would have to worry if she has him lurking in the background somewhere. I don't want to be the guy who is always suspicious of everything.
I also think that I have said everything I can right now to her and her family. Anything else risks pissing her off more and makes me look weak and desperate.
I haven't mentioned yet that she never mentioned this guy to me when she discussed separation. I found this out on my own accidentally when I saw on the computer screen an e-mail from him. The history of the conversation stated that his birthday was on the 19th of November and how sorry she was that she couldn't give him his "present" (her quotations, not mine) in person.
His response? "That's okay babe".
When I write it out I can't believe this is going on. I never intended to be the type of guy who would even consider living with a situation like this.