Hi there. I am a new poster but have been reading blogs and posts for a while now. Forgive me if i am not to familiar with the acronyms and lingo of this forum but I'll try to learn quickly :smiley:. So here's a little background...my Husband and I are both in our 40's, have been married for 16 years, HS sweethearts, and have 2 kids...15 yo son and 10 yo daughter. We are both working parents and have good careers. Our kids are very fortunate and are involved in every activity imagine able. We have lots of friends, great family and nice house that we have been in since we were married. To say the least...seems like the perfect lil family!
Rewind to about 5 yrs ago...I had an affair with a married friend of the family and was also friends with his wife. It lasted about 8 months until we finally got caught. I moved out of my house, he moved out too but didn't see each other long after that. He moved back home and I never talked to him again. Although I feel like he is my soul mate, his kids and family needed to come first and I had to let go. So not too much long after, my husband asked me to come back home and I did (although I think it was too soon and we both weren't ready.). We went to marriage counseling and it did help me but not to sure about him. He may have forgivin me about the EA, but has definitely not forgotten as I am still reminded about it to this day.
You may be wondering at this point what the problem is...well it's the ILYBNILWY issue and I can't get it back. I tell my BFF that I should be given the Academy award as no one knows how unhappy I am except me. This past summer I actually expressed to him how I felt and thought maybe a seperation would do us good. He said absolutely not that he would divorce first before separating so I again agreed to stay and work on it...and mainly for the kids sake as the last seperation he was a raging lunatic and didn't want them to have to go through that again.
I'm basically just asking for advice on when you should stay or go and if anyone had regrets down the road for staying too long? Or regrets for leaving? Here are some other pros and cons of my husband.
Pros
1. He is a great dad! Coaches the kids and their friends, at every event he can attend, loves to spend time with them.
2. He is a good provider. He caters to our wants and needs.
3. He helps family and friends out when needed.
4. Loves to shop and buy buy buy
Cons:
1. He likes to drink...especially on the weekends. And usually will drink until he passes out. My son has resented him and now doesn't like to go anywhere with us because he will usually get drunk.
2. He likes to yell at the kids a little to much...he's that dad that is yelling from the stands at a baseball game telling them what they are doing wrong. He gets mad when their shoes are in the living rm and will ground them if so.
3. He is an over obsessive spender. Will buy large items without consulting me or just expensive stuff that we don't need.
4. I would say he is controlling. He used to be worse but I have kind of changed my behavior towards him and I think he gets it now
5. Our sex life-3-4 times a week. But it's just pleasing him...not any of it for me. But that's because I don't have that connection.
6. Majority of the time I cringe at the thought of going home after work...knowing I have to walk on egg shells on whether or not he has s good day or bad day at work.
Rewind to about 5 yrs ago...I had an affair with a married friend of the family and was also friends with his wife. It lasted about 8 months until we finally got caught. I moved out of my house, he moved out too but didn't see each other long after that. He moved back home and I never talked to him again. Although I feel like he is my soul mate, his kids and family needed to come first and I had to let go. So not too much long after, my husband asked me to come back home and I did (although I think it was too soon and we both weren't ready.). We went to marriage counseling and it did help me but not to sure about him. He may have forgivin me about the EA, but has definitely not forgotten as I am still reminded about it to this day.
You may be wondering at this point what the problem is...well it's the ILYBNILWY issue and I can't get it back. I tell my BFF that I should be given the Academy award as no one knows how unhappy I am except me. This past summer I actually expressed to him how I felt and thought maybe a seperation would do us good. He said absolutely not that he would divorce first before separating so I again agreed to stay and work on it...and mainly for the kids sake as the last seperation he was a raging lunatic and didn't want them to have to go through that again.
I'm basically just asking for advice on when you should stay or go and if anyone had regrets down the road for staying too long? Or regrets for leaving? Here are some other pros and cons of my husband.
Pros
1. He is a great dad! Coaches the kids and their friends, at every event he can attend, loves to spend time with them.
2. He is a good provider. He caters to our wants and needs.
3. He helps family and friends out when needed.
4. Loves to shop and buy buy buy
Cons:
1. He likes to drink...especially on the weekends. And usually will drink until he passes out. My son has resented him and now doesn't like to go anywhere with us because he will usually get drunk.
2. He likes to yell at the kids a little to much...he's that dad that is yelling from the stands at a baseball game telling them what they are doing wrong. He gets mad when their shoes are in the living rm and will ground them if so.
3. He is an over obsessive spender. Will buy large items without consulting me or just expensive stuff that we don't need.
4. I would say he is controlling. He used to be worse but I have kind of changed my behavior towards him and I think he gets it now
5. Our sex life-3-4 times a week. But it's just pleasing him...not any of it for me. But that's because I don't have that connection.
6. Majority of the time I cringe at the thought of going home after work...knowing I have to walk on egg shells on whether or not he has s good day or bad day at work.