She feels numb
My wife and I met over three years ago (Jul 05) and got together 2 months later. She was very keen to become my partner, but I had just come out of a previous relationship which left me feeling unworthy, so I asked her to wait. When I was ready I asked her out. Our relationship grew and grew, and we went out with friends and stayed at each others houses nearly everyday.
After nearly a year and a half (Dec 06), we decided we loved each other enough to get married, which we then planned a month later to have 10 months in the future. We then looked at moving in together, which we did in April 07.
Things did change alot as they do when moving in occurs, but we still loved each other, spent time in each others company and got married in Sept 07 which was the happiest day in my life.
Things were going smoothly, or so I thought. She started going out with friends more and more and wanting to spend less time at home with me. We were getting low on money getting close to our anniversary, and although we went out for dinner, we would have wanted more.
Time goes on, and we decide that we should save the money and not get xmas presents because we wanted to save up to have a child, which we tried hard to do during last month. She had a test come when she was due a period and it came negative.
Anyways, the problem started last friday night, when she went out and came back really drunk, and acted really cold towards me. I got annoyed as I had work the next day, and wanted to have a talk about when I got home. When I did, she gave the looks of she wasn't bothered at all, and told me she doesn't feel guilty in the slightest. I then got worried about her lack of feelings and wanted to dig deeper.
She told me that recently she has felt like something was missing in our relationship, which started when we moved in and grew since. Thats when she decided she wanted to try for a baby. As soon as the test came back, she said she was actually glad, and that a baby wasn't what was missing. I asked if there was something I was doing wrong, or if I had upset her, and she says no, she just doesnt feel sad or angry, just numb, that her feelins for our relationship had changed.
This obviously came as a massive shock to me, as last week we were trying for a child, and now she hasnt got feelings for our relationship. She cant/wont explain why this, just that her feelings arent the same.
We had a talk and she said we were better when we were BF and GF, so we went out sun night and although she was distant, she still hugged and kissed me occasionally but it seemed forced and fake. When we got back she said that going on the BF and GF thing would be best, and hinted at the more advanced state of moving out and possibly even divorce, but (maybe) not splitting up.
We both have suspicion she suffers from "Seasonal Affective Disorder", which causes her to feel depressed in the winter months. Although not ideal, Im hoping its just a bad case of this condition which is causing a blip. Im suggested it, but she doubts it as its never been this strong, but I told her I will be here if it is, and she needs me.
Another thing that I believe is the problem is that when we moved in and we were in each others company, we would sit other ends of the sofa, with her watching TV, and me on the computer (no she's not here now!). I would spend alot of time listening to music and planning trips to go on. Problem is I was planning on going to attractive places with interest of taking pictures, but chances are I wouldnt pay much attention to her. Also, whenever she goes out and invites me, I usually say no because its not my thing. I do alot of housework and help her with everything so thats not the problem either. Although I feel I have neglected her, she assures me that she knew I was that type of person months before we decided to Wed.
I suspected that she had met someone else, not quite cheated, but just a better option that me, but she says this isn't the case. I know who she goes out with, and is still at home with me when she isnt at work. She still kisses me, hugs me, she is responsive to talk to me about the problems and offers for me to call her if i ever want to talk, but she still seems so cold, and set in her ways of possibly splitting up.
We are going to see a counsellor tonight which she agreed on, but she doesnt seem to be very responsive in being enthusiastic to try and solve our problems. She says the counsellor will just say we are both to blame and that shes got feelings she knows she doesn't. Although she says shes going to be open minded, I feel she wont, and her mind is made up.
I don't want to have to resort to moving out, and getting a divorce, and I hope she will be responsive to the advice of the counsellor, but I feel she is stuck with her opinions and will just leave me without trying to fix a relationship which doesn't seem to be hugely broken.
Does anyone else know how far the SAD condition will make people feel? What would you suggest?