Wow a lot of posts since last night. If I miss responding to any, please tell me.
I know my family past/marriage has made a huge impact on me. After the divorce my mom chose me to confide in about things a parent should never say to a young child. I was 12 when my mom started telling me how men are evil and they would hurt you and do things to you. She would tell me to protect myself as she pointed down because men will do things there that will scar you and hurt you. By 15, I turned from the shy innocent girl to a promiscuous bitcx. I played mind games, used people and threw them away as recycables. I had no friends, I had people who thought they were my friends but I was using them as a means to an end nothing more. I drank all the time. I remember I always had a large bottle or two of vodka in my school locker. I hurt a lot of people because I didn't trust anyone or want anyone close enough to me that could hurt me emotionally. After three years of this lifestyle, I just wanted everything to end and contemplated suicide. Instead I chose to go to a therapist. I learned how to cope and deal with my issues, but having a daughter changed that again for me. My protectiveness is full force with her. No I would never tell her those stories and I am not to an extreme overprotective. I do limit her time with my mom though and have already had to counteract some crap she has tried to feed her. I want my daughter to grow up without all that bs on her so she can have healthy, normal relationships.
As for my husband's history: My husband didn't come from an abusive home, but a drug home. I remember hi telling me his dad and uncles were big pot dealers in the 70's not now and he would help them fill those huge peanut bags full. His parents divorced when he was in his tweens because his dad found someone new and it split the family up. His brother and sister lived with his dad and stepmom, he lived with his mom. He was happy in his first marriage with two children and fought the divorce even though she had cheated on him several times and had a baby from another man while they were married. He lived with his mom after his divorce and watched her as she progressed through cancer and then died.
I met him through his sister. Funny thing was me and his sister lived across from each other and I knew her, his brother, and his mom, but had not met him. I had even asked his brother out once because he had a daughter near my son's age and was divorced, but we never went out. I finally met my husband one day when he was installing carpet at his sister's.
I suspect part of his problem is fear of failing in the marriage, so he fights to the death to win the arguement thinking that if he wins you stay. Works in war, business, bar talk, but not marriage.
I think you hit the nail here.
But after your review of your husbands history try writing it as if he was writing it about you.
I think my husband would say 'She came from a very abusive home and after her parents divorced, her mom filled her head with some crazy ****. I wouldn't ever do that crap to her and her mom better not try to put that in our daughter's head.