09-30-2011, 04:25 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
| | Controlled Separation
My wife and I had some issues with my family since we got married. We have been married for 3 years and we got married very young 22 and 23. She feels that they do not love her, think that she is enough for me and that they do not take her into consideration for some things. After some time I notice a lack of attention from my family to her and a lack of details towards her, you know calls, thanks, etc. She talked with me about this several times and I did not pay enough attention to the issues, since sometimes they were very small. However, I had a conversation with my two sisters about it during this period and they did not recognize anything, for them everything was normal. But, she feels that I did not hear her and didn't pay attention to her. This made her to start analyzing our relationship and got to the point that we have not had deep communication between us.
Now, after all the issues I understand what she wants and needs. It is more that my family, it is her desire to feel comfortable talking with me about anything and feels supported. Now, she is really closed minded about any improvement that I can make.
The last thing that happened really frustrated her. So, she decided to sleep in different bedrooms (5 weeks ago) and take some time for her. During this time I tried to make her feel good by going out to dinner, talk, concerts, flowers, etc (Bad Idea). After this I decided to go to counseling with her, after one couple meeting and her individual meeting, the counselor recommended to separate each other (kind of controlled separation). I told her that I was going to be leaving our house and give her 2 weeks to think about it and clarify her feelings, because she was not sure about them.
Tomorrow is the end of the second one and we go to the counselor separated every week and have a chat after that. After her meeting this week, the counselor mentioned to her that she was not ready to make any decisions. So we need to extend the separation. We are going to determine the rules/guidelines of the next period during our next meeting. This could include dating between each other, calls, texts, emails, etc. Any tips, dos and/or doníts?
The last conversation that we had was after my meeting with the counselor, I explained to mi wife what I talked to her and she was not receptive at all. She was frustrated because I was having a different approach from the conversation, tried to convinced her that we can solved the issued and was very sensitive and we ended up the conversation sad/mad (she texted me after that to apologize and tell me that we need to be patient, little by little god will help us to determine our path). When I asked her how she feels at home, if she misses me? She said that feels lonely in our house but she does not know if she misses me or it is the lonely. I think that she does not like that I being positive about the whole situation (It think that we can work the issue as every couple in a crisis and recover the great relationship that we had) and she is neutral (undecided). But, Iím being positive because I love her and have strong feeling about her and these three years have been incredible, we do not have any issues/fights living together, we have similar tastes, goals, dreams. She is an incredible woman!!! During this call she recognized that I have improved my communication a little bit. But I donít know how to interpret what she does, talked, etc.
She has not mention the word divorce but she is not sure if she is willing to start over and forget everything that happened, thatís why the counselor recommends some dating and calls during the separation to see if this brings the spark back to the relationship and give me an opportunity to demonstrate my improvements.
Any thoughts? Tips? Experiences?
Do you think this controlled separation can work and bring us back together?