sadman:(

Ok so i have been reading here for the past few days on my phone to help me cope... i finally decided to ask for help. heres my story...
7yrs togeather and 2 kids , 4ys and 6 months old...

weve had a rough road with life ,,3 miscarrages we bought a house and lots of money problems. we stood by each other the whole time.. no we wernt allways happy but we were togeather..

a few months ago my wife got post pardum and that mixed with her bi-polar,, she got depressed and wanted to off herself, she went to the er and they sent her to a facility for a week... when she came back she said she no longer loved me.. and it was because i was working 20 hr days to help us with our money problems because SHE was stressed out about them so i created a biz and was paying off our bills.. i told her on several occasions that it sucked for me because i felt alone all the time and i was missing my time with her and the kids.. she urged me to keep going.. so i thought we were on the same page.. but i find out now we were not and that she has been misirable for years... but never said anything..
obviously we never communicted properly ... mostly on her end but i wish i woulda know what i know now.

i never wanted her to feel that way and if i woulda knowen i would have done something ...
so the past few months i have read the love dare and started the 5 love langs.... man how dumb could i be,, i learned sooo much i should have knowen,, but im growing up i guess ,, i love her more now then ever...i learned to love..
When she left to the facility it was the first time i have been with out her in 7 yrs and it impacted me soo much.. i know i never want to spend another day with out her ever!!
so here come the complications..
in the past 2 months she has been meeting guys thru a game she plays on her phone , and sending them pics of her self and various parts when im not around.. when im around shes not affeconate to me but dosent push me away eather.we still have sex but there is not much emotion . i have been loving her with everything i got,, and she continues her acts.. i have mentioned them a few times but she shuts down and i get no answers.. does she not know or care about how much it hurts me?
i have tryed all the stuff to get her to reconsider this. i also admit i was being selfish with my time and neglecting her,, i told her i love her and asked for her forgivness... the problem is she dosent know how to forgive,, she not a forgiving type.. this resentment for me is keeping her away and weve even seen a theripist but she dident do the homework she sent us home with to get rid of the resentment. or help to get her there. she is definatly sexually manic right now and i dont know what to do... it hurts every time i find out about a new guy or more pics
tomarrow we start a temp seperation where she will go to a friends for a week to see if she has any feelings left for me ,,like if she misses me.. but ive read nothing good about seperation. and i dont feel like i can trust her to not be meeting other guys while shes gone,, im a emotional wreck and quite numb.. emotionally im exhausted .. im a good guy and thought that no matter what we would work thru anything we went thru ,, i thought she would be the girl i spent the rest of my life with,, boy did i not see this commin....

any advice would help.. im a sponge at this point. ive been preparing to let go but im haven a hard time with that and im quite depressed... i allways have the kids and i dont have any friends or family i can rely on ..ie support team.. i dont know how i made it this long to be honest..

please give me ideas , advice... anything i need help.
thanks

sadman:(

so today is the first day of our separation, we talked a long while last night.. she said she would be taking this seriously.. to see if she feels for me anymore,, when i ask her what happends if she does she say i dunno. i think she has made up her mind because her week is filled with meeting other ppl who have been thru this so im guessing shes not gonna change her mind or feel any differently. yet im still hoping for the best and planning for the worst.. TBH I dont know what im gonna do to get thru this.

I dont know if i can handle watching the kids grow from afar,, but i also know i cant take the kids on by myself. so im wrecked about that. I really dont wanna loose her eather,, i feel like weve never gave our relationship a chance to grow out of the hard times because we were both to stubborn to do anything about it the right way. well ive given in here ,, ive realised alot of things and took all the responsability in the situation. its a shame if she dosent allow our relationship to change course. im very regretful of our past and wish we coulda have fixed things before we ever got to this place.

wheres should i start,, what should i do,, opinions on any of this.... my time is running out here ,,, she has tons of support and i have no one... please help me here.

aug

She's unfaithful. She's escaping her reality and using sex to move on with other people.

She's using the separation to indulge her sexual impulses.


Stop supporting her financially. Do the 180.

Start separating your finances from hers. Dont have any joint bank accounts, credit cards or loans/debts. Let her deal with her own financial needs.

Decide what you want done with the house.

Decide what you want for the kids.

tacoma

She holds the power right now because you're doing everything and anything to make her happy.
Stop it. It's not attractive.
Start the 180 and hold her accountable for any infidelity she gets into.
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sadman:(

your right about the power,, she holds the cards because this is a decision shes making not me. i do feel powerless here. i brought up all the infidelity last night ,, she actually got mad and called me a stalker?? im a stalker for trying to protect my heart and my family from a parasite? the 180 is what exactly?? im guessing its let go of the emotion and stop caring so much? thats where im haven a problem figuring out how to do.

sadman:(

how do i do all this with out stiring the pot too much,, i dont want a fight over the kids and such.. im not afrade of a fight but we are both pretty reasonable ppl here and id hate for her to come back and say ok lets give it a go( even tho that probably not likely) and i have all the bills swiched over to my name and my name off the stuff that is jointed with her.? i have this week to figure out and take action.. do you think she is trust worthy at this point or should i be afrade of her meeting up with other guys. btw none of her behavor is normal, she not a lier ,, untill now ,, and she has never been un-trustworthy untill now.

aug

How long do you propose to wait for her to get back into the marriage?

If she does come back, will you always wonder what she did during the separation? Will the unknown upset you?

At some point soon you'll have to move on as though she's not coming back.

sadman:(

so yeahhhh.. we had talked about the seperation the night befor it and laid out some ground rules,,, no guys no contact with guys no filling the void.. pretty basic..

so this morning i saw her to take my daughter to school, she seemed tired and so i asked her what time she went to bed she said 130am,, my first thought was... wha?!?!?t you never stayed up with me that late in 7 yrs,, then my second thought was maybe shes feeling it... maybe shes actualy is missing me and cant sleep.... the more i thought about it ,, the more it seemed odd.. so i decided to check the phone logs.... youll never guess what i found.... yeah 300 min on the phone to some guy and a bunch of texts with pics to another.. .. i called her right away and told her to get her **** and leave.. what the hell was the point of the seperation if you cant even give it a week..not even 3 days in... pffft she dosent care about our family she dosent care how she hurts me,, all she cares about is herself.. so were done... i wish it was different. now the **** has really hit the fan...

any comments or ideas on a next move.. btw that detached me real quick!

Shaggy

Step one: cut off her access to money. If the phone is in your name, cut it off, same with credit cards. Do not finance her cheating.
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sadman:(

lol already done for the most part ,, step 2?

thisthingcalledlife

I'm sorry your having to go through this. But you deservebetter. No one should treat you that way period. If u dont mind me asking..How are things today?

sadman:(

Things today are not good at all. Mon,tues. She stayed at her friends house and I tild her to take the kids because I do not want them to see me the way I am. That was really good for me, it gave me a break so I could actually come to heads with things. Yesterday she returned home,i actually had anxioty about the whole yhing. Last night we went to a theripist, she was bery stone hearted on the things she said, basicly saying she disent care in the least about me, and feels absolutly nothing. The theripist is very good at her job and explained alot of things to her and a few to me. She requested that we put things on hold and just do a live in co parenting
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sadman:(

Posted via Mobile Device I asked her when we got to the car what she thought about the session she said " I wish you wernt there" " I want to talk to her about MY problems" my thought was outch" so I asked her what she thought about the co parenting, she said "i think its a bad idea, were sending our daughter mixed messages" I about flew outta my chair.. This a professional who has probably delt with hundreds of broken marrages. And she just squashed her.thoughts. So the last thing the therypist says is try to get along. So at 230 this morning my son woke up she got up and fed him I was freezing so I covered myself with the comforter and blanket.... She looks over and say are covered with MY blanket I said your blanket

sadman:(

Posted via Mobile Device she said yes my blanket we shouldnt be sharing a blanket because were splitting up then she goes on to say we shouldnt be sharing a bed either, and this is my bed maybe you should go sleep on the couch. and as she's talking I could feel my blood boiling and I'm thinking so everything we've required in the last 7 years is yours!?!? in an effort to not fight I said calmly I'm freezing and it's just a blanket you could share your blanket with me if you were freezing I'd share with you. she says I don't wanna share a blanket with you get your own and I said you're really starting a fight with me over a blanket you have no compassion and I can't believe you're picking a fight over a blanket I laid there about another 10 minutes that I was so pissed off I had to get up. I went into in my car for about an hour then whent back inside

sadman:(

I'm to the point where I'm starting to hate her I feel like shes making this as hard as possible and im a good guy I dont deserve this crap. this whole thing coulda go down alot different if she would just be reasonable. But again let me say something has changed about her amd I dont even know who she is. Shes sooo selfish and never was like that, shes soo hurtful. Im just ready to move on with my life, I know there are alot of women that would love to have a guy like me.
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