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Wife wants divorce

7K views 42 replies 15 participants last post by  jb02157 
#1 ·
Last week, my wife of 1 1/2 years suddenly told me that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore and she wants a divorce. She has since packed up most of her clothes and went to move in with her parents. She says it is because I am mean to her and we fuss about things too much. I realize that I do have issues and get upset too often and am trying to work on myself but she says that nothing I could change would make her feel any different because she just doesn't want to be with me anymore. I do not want a divorce. I love my wife more than anything and we also have a 2 yr old son that I do not want to see in a broken home. Is there anything I can do to make her want to work things out with me for the sake of me and our family or am I just fighting a losing battle?
 
#3 ·
#7 ·
The worst thing you could do in this situation is beg, plead or cry in front of her.

If you're needy and act weak at this time you will push her further away.

Maybe go dark got the weekend and give it a few days. In the meantime if it were me I'd start digging. PC, Facebook anything you can try and see what's up besides what shes told you.
 
#8 ·
There is another man. For sure.

ILYBINILWY always (99.9%) means someone else has entered the picture. No one says that unless they've met someone else who they deem a better replacement for you.

So no, there's really not much you can do. PLEASE don't play the "pick me" game...
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#9 ·
No, there isn't anything you can do but file for divorce and move on. Whatever the true reason, once this happens, it only gets worse. The worst possible thing you can do, as you've been told, is beg and plead and cry. This will drive her farther away worse than a punch in the face.
All you can do is the hardest thing to do--- put it behind you and move on. Accept that she is gone. Find another.
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#10 ·
Focus on doing what can be done today and complete them. What you can't make plans for and discuss here. So to start ask her about custody. Ask her for a couple of nights a week or week-ends. Ask her how much she needs for child support. Note I did not say agree, rather it is an attempt to work in a reasonable fashion with her. When asking how much she might need for child support say to her calmly and gently it is important that if divorce go though and you meet a new woman she will never be the child's mother. Rather she can be a mentor, a favorite aunt, or a favorite teacher and will respect boundaries you and your current wife set. Then ask her if she will do the same. If she hedges respond calmly but be firm you think it would be best for both of you

Most of the posters who suggest another man are usually right, and until you have a clear target focus on the details of the divorce.

Be well.
 
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#11 · (Edited)
The only way she could possibly want to leave a mean and angry man is if she is having an affair? I don't know why practically everyone dumped on her like that. It's ridiculous. I know most put up with that crap and come here complaining about how badly her husband treats her instead of having sense enough to leave his sorry arse, but that is no reason to automatically blame her and make it seem like SHE is the one in the wrong. Just maybe your EXwife does have good sense.

I hope she is having an affair. I hope she found someone who treats her like you should have treated her in the first place.
 
#12 ·
Yep, that's always it. It's pretty much thrown out in every case no matter what kind of jerk hubby admits to being. .... women don't leave without another man.

Throw it out in every case and it's bound to be true sometimes.

He's offered nothing to suggest another man and even admits to "issues".

But it's much easier to tag every wife who leaves a cheating wh0re.

If he offers actual evidence of another man I'll go with it.

It would be helpful if OP could provide more details as to what being mean to her means.

He claims it's out of nowhere but that could because be got used to her taking his nasty crap.
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#14 ·
Last week, my wife of 1 1/2 years suddenly told me that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore and she wants a divorce. She has since packed up most of her clothes and went to move in with her parents. She says it is because I am mean to her and we fuss about things too much. I realize that I do have issues and get upset too often and am trying to work on myself but she says that nothing I could change would make her feel any different because she just doesn't want to be with me anymore. I do not want a divorce. I love my wife more than anything and we also have a 2 yr old son that I do not want to see in a broken home. Is there anything I can do to make her want to work things out with me for the sake of me and our family or am I just fighting a losing battle?
Not enough information to make an informed comment. No one here can offer you advice on how to fix a problem that is as vaguely described as you did in your OP.

Could you explain what exactly you two "fuss about", and what you meant by your "issues and getting upset too often"?
 
#15 · (Edited)
It has nothing to do with being naive. You jumped to conclusions and an entirely different hemisphere just like what happened in this thread. The man's wife complained that he is mean to her and he fusses too much. Instead of addressing THAT, she got dumped on about an affair. No woman should put up with that kind of crap, so why didn't you address HIM and HIS behavior that HE admitted she is RIGHT about?

So what if she IS having an affair. It's what he deserved because SHE deserved someone who treats her well. If she is having an affair, then obviously her affair partner is good to her like her HUSBAND should have been.
 
#30 ·
My original post

First of all you need to check your phone bill to make sure you know what you're dealing with.

Go online look for a lot of calls/texts to a specific number.

Rule this out first.


So In your mind if you have problems/issues in a marriage it's ok to go out and have an affair?

Yep, Seems pretty naive to me
 
#20 ·
Welcome to the two pervasive mantras on TAM.

If your wife leaves she must be cheating, which isn't always true in life
If your wife accuses you of being angry you are an abusive man and you'll be asked what did you do wrong, which isn't always true.


You gave us nothing so, I have no clue. You need to fill in the blanks because the mantra bearers will fill them in with their own issues.
 
#23 ·
I think the reason that posters are bringing up the possibility of her cheating is that there is no way the OP can even begin to repair his marriage IF his wife is in an affair.

Yes, he needs to work on himself and own his part of the breakdown of the marriage. But he should also be sure that he's not going to strive for a false R. Better to just end things as amicably as possible in that case.
 
#43 ·
It looks to me that she just stayed married long enough to get her half of your income and leave. I don't think there's anything you can do at this point.
 
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