Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?
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Old 10-27-2011, 03:22 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?

Hi,

Husband been suffering with depresion, we lost to babies and his father this year and he is about to loose his job - it has been tough.

I did not treat him very well after I lost the babies, I was in a hell of an emotional state.(hurt him with words - no cheating)..I have since said I was very sorry and that I did not mean wht I was saying - it was pain and anger.

We have always had a loving relationship, untill depression hit him a couple of months before his dad died.

He said that he did not love me anymore (two weeks ago) I still love him with all my heart.

After the inheritance is sorted I said I would move out,but I am starting a new job soon so he did say there is no rush, so I think I have about three weeks.

We have made love a few times since he saidhe did not love me, and last night was very passionate and he really did make an effort with me (not to much info I hope).

He has been holding me in bed (even when there is no sex) and still kisses me and it feel's like it used to when things were good between us.

Last night he sat with me on the sofa/couch all night, he normally sits i his own chair,
I don't know if this is a good sign or not but would really love any advice .

I love my husband and want to do all I can to fix our marriage.
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?

I recommend starting with conversation.

If you love him with all your heart, TELL HIM! Tell him that you still think he's a neat guy, you still want to be with him, and that your marriage is worth fighting to save. Tell him you don't know what you will do with yourself if you have to move out and that you would rather stay in your house with him.

Sit there and tell him every good thing about him that you can think of. Tell him that you like to think you're pretty smart, and that losing someone with all the good qualities he has would be stupid.

Then kiss him, tell him you completely believe that you two can make it through these difficult times, and drag him into the bedroom and screw his brains out.

That should take care of things in the short term

Longer term, it sounds like you could benefit from some counseling to address any ongoing problems with respect to the terrible loss you suffered. Your husband could probably stand some counseling as well to help him work through his grief, but guys can be resistant to that approach. You might also consult with a Doctor regarding your husband, for an evaluation of whether or not your husband is clinically depressed, which may require medical assistance to overcome.

It sounds like you two have a very salvageable marriage- it seems like you're both just going through a rough patch, rather than facing problems that can't be fixed.
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Old 10-27-2011, 08:41 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?

Tank you for the reply,

I have discuse it with a doctor today, but thwy can't help unless he asks for him self.

We had a lovely night last night, but I do not think he has changed his mind about me moving out.

I have told him that I love him.

I just dont understand how he can be so loving towards me and still want to separate.
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?

Quote:
Originally Posted by love him View Post
We had a lovely night last night, but I do not think he has changed his mind about me moving out.

I have told him that I love him.

I just dont understand how he can be so loving towards me and still want to separate.
love,

the death of one's parent is a big emotional loss. during the following depression period it is not unusual for one to test other significant relationships to determine their strength.

it is fairly common knowledge that one should not make major life decisions for at least a year after a big loss. your h is in no condition to be making a separation decision
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Old 10-27-2011, 11:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?

I woul agree with you that it's not the right time to make a decision like this but if that is what he is saying, what can I do about it?

At first I wa very upset but now I am starting o think of him in a different light.

I love him very much, but dn't lik who he is at the moment... He is saying these hings to me with no feeling at all just a blank stranger...

I asked if he thought we were bad fo each other....he said we used to be great .
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Old 10-27-2011, 03:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?

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if that is what he is saying, what can I do about it?
You can say the same as me, no big life decisions while one is under the influence of major grief and you don't have to move out just because he says to
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Old 10-27-2011, 03:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby View Post
You can say the same as me, no big life decisions while one is under the influence of major grief and you don't have to move out just because he says to
Is it another way of saying that people tends to say things if emotions are high and stress are great on that moment and they dont mean it? My wife , we had fights , but lately we were on a great deal of stress, financial, in laws (her dad health, cancer stage 3) job insecurity on both of us, then all of a sudden she want a seperation/divorce? Can you explain? No infedelity on both parts, just on her part, resentment build up, stress, fights, among others. Your response is greatly appreciated. Were married for almost 10 years now, and have a daughter 8 y/o. Sorry not intended to highjack this thread......
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Old 10-27-2011, 03:49 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?

No problem, I am happy to share the thread with anyone...

My husband has been under a lot of stress, is loosing his job, father just passed away, we have had financial problems but they are getting a lot better now...

He is not throwing me out on the street but has said he does not love me.... He offered to leave the home but I want him to stay here because I know he has everything he needs here.

Maybe when I go he will see how good we are together, crossing my fingers anyway...

If he does not love me and this is not the depression talking then I need to keep my head held high and my dignity in tact.

I love him and last night was wonderful, but when talking today he does not seem to have changed his mind.....he has a total of 12 yrs on me, I am still in my 20s and loved him and always would have, so if this is what he want's then he is a fool.
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Old 10-27-2011, 03:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sparation - Sex - is he feeling different?

P.S I have been feeling very low since he told me that he did not love me - suicidal actualy..
But I talked to few different councellors by phone today and am feeling a lot better...He is ment to be my partner, friend and my rock (all the things I have been to him) and I feel that he has let me down a a husband...
This has in a strange way made me feel better, I am strong and I will survive......I worry more about him
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