Re: military marriage in serious trouble
You asked [quote] but when does a person call it quits? i know marital problems come in different scenarios, but honestly, at what point does a person move on? [\quote]
that is a very good question. and i have been pondering it myself. i believe it is different for everyone, just as everyones marital problems differ.
i have found out in my case, i can take alot more then most. Everyday that goes by, i find that i can handle that much more. Friends, family and coworkers all agree that i should divorce and move on. And i have no idea what i am holding on to, however, with each new situation or scenario, i am amazed that it was not the last straw. I havent reached that point yet, and i believe it is because i still have hope. hope that our marriage can be saved, hope that he will regonize and put into actions his responsiblities. I hold on to each good thing and try to down play the bad things, which is very hard to do when the cons outwiegh the pros. But if you want your marriage to really work, then you will hold on and find every possible way to make it work. if not, then you have already taken the first step by asking when does a person call it quits? , at what point does a person move on?
if all you look for is the bad, then that is all you see. and nothing she does will be good enough. on the other hand, if you refuse to see the bad and focus on the good, even the little things will make a big difference. ie. she smiles and kisses you the next time she sees you and so forth.
i think you really need to figure out if you want it to work or if you have given up. Look long and hard, and make a choice. then you will know what to do. separations are very hard on a marriage, even more so when you dont have the option to stay. she might just need some time to get use to being second and your job first. she needs constant reassurance that your love for her is still as strong as it was when you first got married. it is harder for you since you are not there to show it every day. find out what she is really worried about or what her real issue is, which sounds like you found out some if not all of it. has she tried the wifes club at your base, not really counselling if i understand right, but kind of counselling in a way as there are other wives there going thru the same thing she is going thru with you gone.
i know that my words are easier said then done, and i wish you luck with your marriage, and blessings on your deployment.