Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Considering Divorce or Separation » Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

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Old 11-11-2011, 08:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

I have been married for over four years now. For the past, oh, 3 1/2 years my husband has managed to not have a job, ruin me financially, lie about everything, make me and my children lose everything, and on top of it...he expects me to do EVERYTHING in the house, clean, cook, take care of the kids, go to school (yes, I'm working on my Masters degree while working FULL TIME). He keeps my car when I go to work, drives around wherever he wants... yet according to him I don't do anything. If I ever try to talk to him about how I feel, he'll start screaming and telling me how stupid I am, I'm whining again, I'm a *****, etc. etc. all in front of our two daughters. To boot, I have to beg for sex. And when we do have sex... it's fast, all about him, and I never have mine. No kissing, no cuddling, no love. When I ask... I get a "I'm stressed....just back off and things will be fine". WTF!? I caught him having a secret online relationship with a girl he had networked with on fb...which of course they both denied. Now, he keeps his computer, phone, email, and fb account passwords secret. He also has me blocked from seeing who his friends are. This is a problem, right? He says I'm crazy and I act like I'm in highschool and that NO wife needs to have the password or access to computers, fb accounts etc. Am I crazy?? What the hell is going on... why is it that I give everything and get absolutely NOTHING in return but feelings of hate? When I threaten to leave, he tells me to go nothing is stopping me.... it's like he wants me to leave just so he can use it against me?
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Old 11-11-2011, 09:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

Why don't you kick him out? Or leave him? Seriously.

Seems like a no brainer. You're already doing it alone...might as well do it peacefully alone.
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Old 11-11-2011, 09:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

Why are you putting up with him?
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Old 11-12-2011, 08:05 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

I can relate to you almost to a T! let me tell you that even after marriage counseling, nothing has changed for us. With guys like this, where it's all about them, they won't change unless they want to, and from both the sounds of this, as well as from personal experience, I can tell you it'll only stay the same.
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Old 11-12-2011, 08:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

I just can't understand someone who will willingly stay unemployed. Having a job and providing for my family is something I take great pride in. I know some in this economy are unemployed through no fault of their own . I was raised by my father to believe that you are not a man unless you work. Sometimes that means working jobs that you feel are beneath you. Kick his ass out.
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Old 11-12-2011, 12:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

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I just can't understand someone who will willingly stay unemployed. Having a job and providing for my family is something I take great pride in. I know some in this economy are unemployed through no fault of their own . I was raised by my father to believe that you are not a man unless you work. Sometimes that means working jobs that you feel are beneath you. Kick his ass out.
My husband feels the same as you. It's a respectable quality.

To the OP, is this what you want for the rest of your life??
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Old 11-12-2011, 12:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

Time for him to go. Hes a freeloader, a liar, a sneak, and ill lay money on it hes a cheater too.

Send him back to his ****head mother so she can finish raising his dumbass
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Old 11-12-2011, 01:10 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

This sounds a lot like my ex husband. I left. I barely stuck around for a year. I took my daughter, our clothes and moved out. I wasn't about to spend the rest of my life being abused by a low life loser. If I would do things differently, I'd make it a lot harder for him to see his daughter. I'm not going into details, but she is 17 now and an amazing daughter! He sees her as a piece of crap(because she is female) and refuses to let her have any contact with her siblings. It's extremely sad. I found another man whom I'm deeply in love with. We've been married 12 years wonderful years. Now I'm the one who gets to stay home and take care of the kids.

It's very doubtful your husband will change. In most cases the abuse and controlling gets worse. My ex was also unfaithful to me and one of his gf's moved in 3 days after I left. He now has cheated on her 3 times that I'm aware of. He told my daughter this when she was 15. I'm so happy to have him out of my life. If I were you, I'd pack up and leave. It's not healthy for you or the kids.
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Old 11-12-2011, 07:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

What the hell do you need him around for?
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Old 11-12-2011, 07:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

Sounds like a perfect example of "oops, I married an immature idiot"

Seriously, he is dragging you down and will continue to do so if you let him. It's not your job to turn him into a man, send him back home so his mommy can take care of him.
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Old 11-15-2011, 03:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

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Sounds like a perfect example of "oops, I married an immature idiot"

Seriously, he is dragging you down and will continue to do so if you let him. It's not your job to turn him into a man, send him back home so his mommy can take care of him.
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Old 11-15-2011, 08:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

It sounds like a Tammy Wynette song.
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Old 11-15-2011, 10:20 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

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Why don't you kick him out? Or leave him? Seriously.

Seems like a no brainer. You're already doing it alone...might as well do it peacefully alone.


So what else does this guy have to do to you? Kill you?


My H used to pride himself on working. That's all gone now. We are separated and a few weeks ago he was hanging out here watching TV on a Sunday night and wanted to stay over at my apartment. I said "I have to work tomorrow and you have to leave. Here, we work or go to school." That pissed him off.
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Old 11-21-2011, 03:44 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband hates me, doesn't work, lies, and screams at me. But it's all my fault?

Going through almost the same thing myself and I feel your pain. Together seven years, married for one. Currently separated for three months after the extent of his cheating became clear and his behavior betrayed my family and became out of hand. Of course, WH blames me for the whole thing and won't take responsibility; denial, blame-shifting, gas-lighting, lying, trashing my credibility so that those who know him won't believe he's done this stuff. Now, he doesn't want to talk to me because he's furious about what I've done (which is object to this behavior and get really sad and brokenhearted over it). Thought he was the love of my life and my soulmate; miss him like crazy (the good him, not the person he seems to have become); still think he's in there somewhere, but for some reason, things went from passionate romance to emotionally abusive without my noticing it. Thought I was going crazy until I found out about the online affairs (and they'd crossed over into casual encounters). I understand your pain. No kids here, though. Try individual counseling; it will help you. He won't change unless he wants to and he needs some strong motivation for it. Doesn't sound like your H has any motivation for change right now. He sounds like he is narcissistic or at least selfish, immature, and unwilling or unable to see how this is harming you. This won't go away on it's own. In my own case, I'm hoping things will get better, that he'll be the person he used to be again, but...it often feels foolish of me because if he didn't care before it all came out, why would he now? I'm sorry you're having to go through that. Hang in there.

Last edited by desert-rose; 11-21-2011 at 03:56 AM.
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