We have been together 6 years. Our daughter is 3 years old. I am 29, she is 39. The drug use was less 6-8mo ago. I whole heartedly beleived her at first when she told me she quit until I noticed off behavior about two months later that suggested she never stopped. I asked her about it and she denied it, then she brought it up the next day and after talking about it more she admitted to do doing it again and lying about it the night before. Since then there has only been more odd behavior to suggest she is again or never stopped doing it and I just don't believe anything she says. The drug in question is meth. When we talk about it she says she was doing coke not meth like it was ok if it was just coke, but the girl she hangs out with is someone I know to use meth. I saw a meth pipe roll fall out of her purse on accident once. She was in contact a few months back with her friends dealer whom I had met when her friend lived with us for a short time. I had my share of recreational drug use before my daughter was born I know what it looks like. She will not sleep for days, and then when she does she is comatose for an entire 24-36 stretch, when she was up she had crazy mood swings 0-100 in a second, her face was breaking out and she was scratching at it to the point of her face being scabbed up, she would be paranoid and come up with insane theories that sounded like absolut nonsense if coherent at all, she lost probably 30 pounds in a very short period of time. she alienated not only her but me as well from the friends that were trying to offer help. She still displays some of these sometimes not all of them, as often or all at the same time but enough for me to still not trust her. I just think she's not doing it as much and as you say has gotten better at hiding it. And she has an answer ready for everything. Why did you loose so much weight so quick? Diabetes. Why are you picking at your skin. like that? Anxiety and something I forget the name that's a symptom of perimenopause. why haven't you been sleeping? anxiety and depression? Ya but you have Ambien the dr prescribed. No it doesn't work. She took it one night. She just has a response to everything. Sometimes they seem legitimate and I'm like well maybe, I guess, then she proceeds to tell me how I make her feel like a piece of **** and I'm the bad guy and I leave feeling guilty. Then I realize I'm being manipulated, and I get angry so I confront her again and the same thing happens. It's exhausting. This morning is the perfect example. I found a cut straw for snorting drugs. Now in all honesty I too snorted drugs (oxycodone) with her a few years ago before my daughter was born. Her excuse was that she was going through old stuff and it must have fallen out. Now she's mad that I don't trust her, so she needs to get out of the house left around 5pm to a meth pipe girls house, just messaged me about 15 min ago saying that she is staying over night because they are working on some kind of craft together. At least she told me this time, last week she came home at 8am after leaving around 6 for a cpl hours.
Unfortunately I've had some recent experience with a situation very similar to yours, a good friends husband started using again and well you know the story. Talk to an attorney, as much as you need to get yourself and your daughter out of the situation, you can't just take the kid and leave. You can get a court order keeping her away from you, the house and your daughter.
Unfortunately there's no way to make her go into rehab, but maybe cutting her off from everything will make her come to her senses. Tell her family, not her friends but her family about what you've found and what's been going on, if anyone can help you with an issue like this it's her own family. She is going to fight tooth and nail on all of this so you need to take the legal route here. You need to document everything, if you find something write down when, where and what time and take photos of it right where you found it. Once you've fully documented it, destroy it and then document that you destroyed it. If you find drugs, document it the same way and then turn them over to the police. Make sure you tell them that you found them on your wife so that they also have a record of it. You need to cover yourself at every angle on this one because I've seen situations like this get nasty.
It won't happen right away but hopefully all this will make her come to her senses and clean up. But DO NOT let her back into your lives until she has proven without a shadow of a doubt and over a long period of time that she really is clean. And when and if you do let her back into your lives substance abuse counseling and marriage counseling are a MUST, there is no question on that.