Sexless marriage, affair, consideirng divorce
I'll try to be brief.
Married at young age, 14 yr old daughter, fine financially.
We have long struggled with intimacy & sex, jsut never came easy for us.
Many years ago it reached a boiling point. We had discussed it numerous times. One day I had the melt down of all melt downs. I sobbed and cried and told her it had to end, we had to fix it, I couldn't live this way any more. I couldn't love someone and not be emotionally and physically intimate with them. This is not a sex problem exclusively, it is touching, kissing, cuddling, shares inner most secrets/feelings/ambitions - and yes - making passionate love as well as physical sex.
Well I think it scared her, she started to submit to my advances, but the sex was hollow, absent of desire. It was like masturbating with her body instead of my hand. She would never initiate. Eventually I decided I would not initiate to see what happened. We are now coming up on our 5th year of ZERO sex.
I have since become involved in an affair. I met a woman in a similar situation and our physical affair has since evolved into one that is very emotional. We have definitely fallen for one another. She has since divorced and has been seeing only me while single for over a year.
My wife caught wind of it. nothing definitive, but enough to inquire. I considered lying, but I confessed on the physical side of it, not the emotional aspects. I had dreaded the d-day forever, guilt and worry were constant, but I could not stop the affair and be faithful to my loveless marriage. Much to my surprise she said she understood, wanted it to stop, felt we could fix all of our problems. I don't believe her. I think she enjoys our lifestyle (I make a healthy salary) and it fearful of the change. I do not believe she loves me. I know I don't love her that way any more.
It has been nearly 5 months since the affair was discovered. I have not stopped and she has not once inquired about it.
I am almost certain she is not having an affair. I don't think I would care if she was.
I think my best action is to get through the holidays, communicate my intent to divorce, and move on. If things work out with my OW it would be great. If they don't I will continue to search for someone compatible.
Please let me know any thoughts and what you would do.
I've asked this before, I know many people - especially betrayed spouses, want to rake me over the coals. I don't mind people doing so but only ask that you also offer advice on how to proceed given what is done is done - her actions and mine.
I have seen two therapist......but stopped. The both tell me to leave. I would have left long ago, but I am terrified of hurting my daughter.