rx7marsh

Hello, just wondering if i could get some help and information on something. Thanks

I am 21 years old. Im a guy. I have been marryed for about 2 years now to my wife. She is currently deployed in iraq... we had a bumpy marriage. And mostly because of my part. I love her very much and we have an almost 2 year old beautiful daughter.

I wasnt the best husband to her.. i said things that were innappropriate, I never did anything outrageous like hit her, or cheat on her. Never had any addictions. Just our communication was bad. And i asked her before we left if she wanted divorce.. she now tells me she does. A month after she deployed.

She says she wants to date when she gets back. And that she wants me to rejoin the army and get stationed here before she finalizes the divorce. I was told you cant get one in iraq while deployed. But im hearing different that she can. I love her more then anything, and i dont want my daughter to have a divorced family. I tell my wife and plead over and over that everything is good here. But she tells me she just isnt happy right now, and that she wants to wait until she gets back. And her attitude has changed dramaticaly also. She is really a good wife i mean.. she would do anything for anyone really. But now shes saying stuff like F the rules (army rules) and whatnot and she says constantly that shes just frustrated and shes not happy and she wants the divorce done ASAP.. its confusing to me and her mom alone. Me and her mom dont have a good relationship but she lives with me and my daughter. Alot of people think that shes just going through alot of stress and that since we had stress and whatnot before that shes going through seperation anxiety. Im doing by best to plead with her. I love her very much and i think she loves me. Its just right as things start going good in our marriage she gets deployed. So i really cant make up for our past. And she isnt really giving me a chance now. But does anyone know if she can actually file for divorce while deployed in iraq or afghan? And what will happen if i decline and keep declining.

Please i beg of you someone please help me save my marriage.

april16

Wow! I'm really sorry with what you are going through. My husband is Military, and I know how hard it gets when your spouse has to leave for a long period of time. Did she want the divorce before she left to Iraq? You said that things were going good at the time. Did something happen between you two since she has been deployed? As far as getting a divorce while being deployed you should call the legal office on base. They have been very helpful for me. I hope a miracle happens for and your wife!

rx7marsh

We had bad communication on my part before she left. For the 2 years we were together. In all honesty i wasnt ready to be a father. She knew this before we got marryed and i stalled. But i begged her before she left that if we were getting a divorce that she needed to tell me now. She kept telling me no over and over she didnt want one after we had talked about it. Now shes trying to force it over there. And i talked to a full bred Crl Chaplain lastnight for hours. And he told me that he sees stuff like this all the time. Even in worse relationships. And that she just needs to realize that being overseas is going to cause enough stress

He also confirmed she is not allowed to get a divorce while over there. Until 6 months after she comes back. But does anyone have any information please

Anyone any information please? I just dont knwo what to do. I love her very much but shes being so wierd and stubborn about this. I hurt everyday now knowing this family is falling apart. And only because im not getting 50% back from my wife into it. SHe continues to argue you with me when i tell her that i dont think she can do it. And i will decline and wait the 6 months after she gets back if anyone. Because if anything i deserve for her to come back and atleast see then. Because she says she wants to date when she gets back.. date ME.. wierd right? Divorce then date when we see eachother again.

april16

Ok, about the date thing. Maybe you could possibly bring up to her to hold off on wanting the divorce, & when she does get back you two can kinda start over and go on dates and do things that help re kindle a relationship. That way, you both get what each of you want and you both could have fresh start on the way you treat each other. When my husband and I were having problems we tried to do activities that brought back some excitement in our relationship.

I know how you are feeling. I went through the same thing. My husband and I were apart for a year. He brought up divorce and it killed me inside. I kept trying and always told him how much I loved him. I kept asking for him to give us another chance. Then we started doing the dating stuff. It did help a little. Hang in there! I know you feel so helpless in this situation. You can get through it. Every time you feel sad look at you Daughter. Im sure that will make you smile!!

sarah.rslp

What do the army say? I imagine that as an army spouse you have a whole support network in place, so you should take advantage of it.

rx7marsh

Man am i trying, ive seen Col. Jones earlier today of the 101st. And another chaplin. There pretty much both saying it happens. And that they think i should jsut calm down. They said they were going to call over there today and talk to her. To try and make her see that divorce will only cause problems and if she really wants it to wait. I dont want to fight with my wife. I love her so much. Shes done so much for me and our daughter i cant just let her walk away.

Like i said i wasnt ready to be marryed when we did. But i've come to love and cherish samantha for the woman she is. Shes loving, caring, smartm beautiful kind. Its unreal how much this destroys me inside. I dont want to loose feelings for my wife. She wont listen to me tho. I dont want a divorce. And if i decline i dont want to piss her off and when she gets back she'll act like she hates me or something. I dont want to take that chance. I wont give up.

Ninja

WOW! This is so similar to what my wife is doing to us right now, and my daughter is also two. I'm sorry about it man, I really do know how you feel... Biggest difference is we have been together for 5 years, married for 3. Keep your head up.... it's all i've got right now too.

solsticebeast

Look man. You do need to calm down. You are acting somewhat irrational and considering the situation it's normal. Maybe you need to go to ACS (Army Community Services) and see about talking to a Marriage Counsellor. They might be able to help you out and give you advise on how to better communicate with your wife.

Hate to tell you this... but if this is the way your wife is acting... she's probably having an affair over there with someone. Seems odd that we would have such a radical attitude change out of the blue like that. She will most likely deny it but I'll tell you true since I've been over to Iraq myself 3 times and afghanistan once, 9 times out of 10... the spouse is cheating. Plain and simple. I've seen people go absolutely nuts over there and just start having sex every chance they get and it boggles the mind at times.

I am on my second marriage and I will tell you something about Divorce in the military. You can in fact file for divorce while she is deployed. However, they will not give you a court date until she gets back because you both have a child together. I am assuming the child is both of yours correct? You will NOT need to wait 6 months either. I can't believe they tried feeding you that bunch of bull.

I also can't believe she's telling you to reenlist just to stay there and she will still want a divorce? That's pretty stupid if you ask me. Sounds like she's tryiing to have her cake and eat it too. She wants you around to be the babysitter so she can go out and "date". Don't do it.

I will also warn you about something... I have been in the military 11 years now and for both of my marriages. My first wife literally tried destroying my career and life with a crap load of false accusations and threats when I refused to do the thngs she wanted and the divorce got messy and that was without children present in the marriage. If you reenlist... watch yourself because it will give her the foothold she needs to screw you over if she wants to do so. When it comes to marriage... the military will assume you are guilty first until you are proven innocent and by then... it's already to late for you. You'll already have your counselings, Article 15's, your flagging, etc. Again, don't do it.

Motherof2

I'm going through, the very same thing, My husband of 3 yrs, and father of 2 kids, is now saying he wants a divorce ASAP. I feel so lost and hurt. I don't want to lose him. He has also been acting so different. Do you know if they can file while they are Iraq? Please if you know any thing I can do, let me know.