537, I lived with my BPDer exW for 15 years and I've taken care of my bipolar-1 foster son for longer than that. Moreover, I took both of them to a long series of psychologists for 15 years. Based on those experiences, I have found many clear differences between these two disorders. If you're interested, I describe those behavioral differences in my post at 12 Bipolar/BPD Differences
If the BPD behaviors in that post seem more relevant to your W's situation, I would suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs
. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread
. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join the other respondents in discussing them with you. Take care, 537.
From reading that, I would say my wife is BPD, if she is either. Her rage comes on in a few seconds. It's confusing for me because the rage is brought on by things that might elicit a somewhat bothered response by someone else, but her response is extreme. So I can't say that it's completely unprovoked but it is over the top. I've read other comments from people describing BPD aggression as similar, were the recipient of the wrath assumes they are deserving, but the punishment does not fit the crime, so to say.
For example, I'll sometime scroll through facebook on my phone prior to going to bed, her eyes are shut, shes facing the opposite wall, my small screen should bother her. Wrong! She will completely flip out if I do this. She has whipped her entire body around and on top of me in a flash and ripped my phone from my hands on three occasions. Is that a just response to your spouse having his smart phone screen on for 5-10 additional minutes after lights out?
I have to edit what I say around her constantly for fear that I will hurt her feelings or offend her in some way. Once she has hurt feeling or is offended, my night is pretty much egg shells going forward. Tip toeing through conversations like a mouse. She definitely isolates me, is jealous of her sisters when I talk about them, and has a sense of entitlement, like I should do all for her. Funny thing is, I've done a lot for her, and she asks what I've done to fight for her in the past 2 years.
Her childhood was fine from what I've been told. She has always said it was great. Dad was always working or golfing, which she wasn't to keen on but he was never abusive in any way. So without any childhood trauma, I don't know if it's BPD.
Her mom is extreme though. We had to commit her 4 times in the past 4 years. Thinks she is dying almost everyday and tells my wife that. Tried suicide 3-4 times, pill and alcohol. got a DUI 3 years ago. I think they finally got her on the right combination of meds the last time we committed her 2 months ago, thank god! The father basically completely refuses to manage his wife and leaves my wife's sister to do it. My wife being so emotionally sensitive and loving her mom, takes it extremely hard, for 4 years.
I feel bad for her but she is 32 and has a masters degree; she should have what it takes to defend herself from these emotions and the world in general and what it can through at a person. I've been through a lot, I was resilient and overcame. Other people have been through nazi death camps and the like, they stayed resilient and overcame. I don't know.