Hello kind readers,
I've been married for 2.5 years, with a 1 year old. My marriage has been rocky for the past year. My husband told me he wants to separate, and asked me to move out. I told him I didn't see it coming and needed time, so we are still living together. I want us to try to save our marriage. I told him we should seek help (therapy or counseling), but he said he wasn't interested. We are civil with each other-we only speak when necessary. But here is my dilemma:
-The night he told me he wanted to separate, I was very emotional and couldn't stop crying. So I snuck into another bedroom to sleep and to calm myself. When he discovered I wasn't in the same room, he looked for me and told me he wanted me to sleep next to him. So I agreed.
-The next day we watched a movie at home together, as if nothing happened.
-He still texts me daily when he's at work to ask about our baby, and when he's on his way home.
-He is still eating dinner with me every night.
I'm so confused. I thought he would be cold and distant, or staying late at work purposely to avoid me.
Does he want to separate or not? I'm afraid to ask him for fear of pushing him away even more.
Does anyone have thoughts on this?
Pregnancy and newborns throw many relationships into havoc. You aren't in uncharted territory.
What you can't do is give yourself up to "save" the marriage, there needs to be something left worth saving. That said, you have to do some heavy introspection and see (objectively) what has been going on.
What are the signs and symptoms that have persisted?
What complaints has he been making?
What about your complaints?
Have there been issues relating to physical appearance?
What about sexual frequency pre-pregnancy versus now?
All you can do is be your self (the best one) and give him the freedom to take your hand. That is a very powerful bargain you are making. The answers to those questions I posed will enlighten me to give more advice. Even so, there is plenty of room for discussion with him. If you go into it well prepared, you can find out his reason for his announcement. I know it won't be tough, but the better you manage your emotions, the better he can feel comfortable speaking. After that, you can look at going into tried-and-true reconciliation frameworks. Rarely is the 1st announcement THE last straw. There tends to be a lot of room to pull on his heart strings, naturally drawing him back towards you.