Originally Posted by pygmalioneffect View Post
And how do you only see your kids half the time? My heart breaks at the thought of this. I don't know how to be ok with not kissing my kids good night after I read to them every night. How do I be ALONE 50% of the time? The mere thought of this makes me sick to my stomach. My kids give me so much happiness. I don't want to miss even a minute. How do you bear this?
I am one of the outliers that actually had an amicable divorce. We paid no money to Lawyers and drew up our own agreement. The first 12 months were very difficult, we really hated each other but did our best to put the kids best interests first. We had been together for around 20 years and our marriage had become sexless and passionless, it had come to its natural end and we both knew it.
After the first year and things had settled down we became a very functional two household family, we co parent extremely well together and our kids seem relatively unscathed from it all. I honestly believe in my heart that divorce was the best option, if we had of stayed in an unhappy marriage the kids would have been far worse off emotionally.
Caveat is that ex and I are both decent people with good mental health. We care about each other and neither of us were hell bent on destroying the other. We both want peace in our lives and love our children deeply. An amicable divorce is very possible for some people but from the description above of your husband I think you may be in for a hell ride, I hope not.
As for being a co parent, well it is dame hard at first but we have carved out a very nice life for all involved. It broke my heart for a long time but I always had faith in my ex's parenting and love for his children. After I came to terms with co parenting it dawned on me that in fact my life was structured in a way that was very beneficial to me. My kids were loved and very well looked after and I finally had the "me time" I had been missing. Co parenting (if done with a decent ex) can be a great lifestyle, for me it is the best of both worlds.
So yes it can be done, I wish more people saw the value in amicable divorce but we humans are our own worst enemy and often divorce brings out the sub par behaviour in people.