Sorry you are here.
I can really relate to the worry about leaving an ill spouse.
My d-day was this past August, and my H also has cancer. At the time, even though he is stage 4, he was dong pretty well.
I have struggled a lot about whether I could leave or not. He hadn't shown any remorse, but our kids are still teenagers. H's treatment of me since d-day has been awful, to the point where I no longer have romantic love for him.
About a month ago, his health worsened and he is now inoperable... end stage. I had told myself I would push separation if his results were stable, but since the results were bad I have chosen to stay. I'm still conflicted as to whether it's the right decision or not, as I am not happy, even if H and the kids are.
Anyway, I can really empathize with your position... I know how hard it is. I can say I think it would be a lot easier for me to leave my H if his cancer was early stage and treatable.
Also wanted to say I admire your strength ... you seem very level headed.
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Many Thanks for this heartbroken50
. You have certainly given me some food for thought. Your situation is way more difficult than mine as your H is so ill. He is SO very fortunate to have you.
With my level headed hat on, it would probably be best to separate before his next appointment but be clear with him that I would make every effort to be there for him should he need any help healthwise, as nursejackie
has suggested. He's well now so if I am to go, this is the time to do it.
I find i can be quite level headed but when it comes to taking action I can be a terrible procrastinator and I'm always afraid of doing stuff which cannot be reversed.
And I'm scared of being alone. I moved from my parents to live with H at 21 and so have never lived by myself. To be honest I'm sufficiently scared to be continuously contemplating if we could "separate" and still share the house permanently - this keeps coming up in my mind even though I know it would be better to make a clean break. We have spare bedrooms and since I dont have a great income I might have to do this to begin with in any event.
I certainly am aiming to be strong and realistic this time around as 5 years ago I literally made myself ill. I was pretty niave, ignored my gut. I did the best I could do at that time but nevertheless I allowed myself to be manipulated when i should have stood firm - but in the interim I have grown and above all I try to be as positive as I can and know deep inside I do have strength.