32+ years coming to an end - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 100 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 08:54 PM
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

Sunshine, keep your focus on what you want for you. Maybe you don't know the future but if it is getting out that you want, focus on that. There will be bumps but trust me, trust me it does get better. When you say your last good-byes the freedom you will feel is unspeakable!!! Trust in yourself!!!

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post #92 of 100 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 03:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

I don't trust anything in this moment. I feel so weak and pathetic. I have been physically ill the last two days from crying. I am so strong but yet feel like I am losing it and that I can't take one more thing. I feel like I am dying and desperately clawing to come out of this hole. Why? I have no answers to the questions and won't get any, no resolution. I just keep hoping I can make it through the hearing in a few weeks. All feels lost. I know this is part of grieving but some days I can't see any end and it feels like forever. Sorry just a really bad few days.
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post #93 of 100 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 12:25 PM
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

Sunshine, it is okay to have those bad days. Those bad days will make you stronger. The process is like being on a roller coaster. As the end gets closer you are looking forward to getting off the ride but at the same time you are not sure what tomorrow might bring. Being in the state of conflict right now where you are living under the same roof adds to confusion. You want to keep your old life but you wish things were different in the relationship, yet you logically can reflect and see that as much as you want the change that all the years together tells it is not going to happen. Picking up items, seeing pictures brings back good and bad memories.....it is a real mix. And at the same time when he walks thru that door there is dread and you wish you could escape- now. Putting up with the habits and behavior you have learned to live with but annoy you will soon be behind you.

Do you have any lady friends you can spend some time with? Having a wonderful support system in place where you can call on a good friends really helps!!!
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post #94 of 100 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 01:05 PM
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

I cried every single night for a solid month when I left my second husband, even though I was the one ending it, and for good reason. Its still hard to lose someone you once loved so much, and for your life to not go as you had planned. Let yourself feel it for a while, you have to go through this in order to heal, unfortunately. Little by little, you will start feeling better, I promise.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #95 of 100 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 05:44 PM
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

You know that you can call 911, right? Tell them you're in a really bad place, and at least they will take you to a hospital where someone will take care of you and give you someone to talk to and care about you. Please consider it. You seriously need some antidepressants.
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post #96 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 07:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

Update-Its been a hell of a ride but I am now much calmer and can see clearer. We forwent the temp court hearing (wish I wouldn't have) and are pending mediation 6 April. I still have sad/bad days but they get fewer and farther between, on occasion something will punch me in the heart but I am dealing with things much better. We are slowly going through the house, items, etc and he has been a PIA the whole time; defensive, wanting to be in control, uncooperative, actually odd for someone that wants it over? I have written a few letters, trying to reach him, trying to get some closure and its been a big waste of time. I get the same standard BS answers over and over; he did nothing wrong, thought it was ok to have a secret female friend (not), he doesn't have a drinking problem and of course he has blamed me for just about everything (as i expected), then he blamed the kids, then a curse his Aunt put on us when we got married (that was really reaching for a Christian man, I had forgotten all about it and thought it was pretty hilarious). He can't change because in his eyes he never did anything wrong. I have worked hard on me and my issues, found many of what I thought were my issues were manifested by him and those that weren't I own, I am working on me everyday. I look forward to the end, its taking quite a while and not happening over night but it is what it is and I just have to suck it up and deal with as well. I didn't think I would get here and its empowering to be in this spot, I know what I have to do, know what I want, I am strong and will make it through whatever else gets thrown my way. I may still have a few waves but the Tsunami is passed. Thank you all for all your support, encouragement, insight, this is a great place and I will continue to visit. Wish me luck. Sue
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post #97 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 07:14 PM
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

You haven't yet completely realized it but as you're making strides forward, each and every time you ask him "why" whether it's in a letter or in a conversation while you're dividing up the contents of the kitchen drunk drawer, you're setting yourself back a bit. It's starting to sink in when he justifies his actions by saying a curse was put on him by a close family member, but you've got a ways to go yet.

As far as closure goes, you won't get it by asking him questions and getting reasonable answers. You'll get closure by moving on with your life, and some day looking back at the whole thing and realizing what a screwed up individual he is and how you are in such a better place for having figured it out sooner rather than later.
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post #98 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 09:09 AM
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshinesas View Post
Update-Its been a hell of a ride but I am now much calmer and can see clearer. We forwent the temp court hearing (wish I wouldn't have) and are pending mediation 6 April. I still have sad/bad days but they get fewer and farther between, on occasion something will punch me in the heart but I am dealing with things much better. We are slowly going through the house, items, etc and he has been a PIA the whole time; defensive, wanting to be in control, uncooperative, actually odd for someone that wants it over? I have written a few letters, trying to reach him, trying to get some closure and its been a big waste of time. I get the same standard BS answers over and over; he did nothing wrong, thought it was ok to have a secret female friend (not), he doesn't have a drinking problem and of course he has blamed me for just about everything (as i expected), then he blamed the kids, then a curse his Aunt put on us when we got married (that was really reaching for a Christian man, I had forgotten all about it and thought it was pretty hilarious). He can't change because in his eyes he never did anything wrong. I have worked hard on me and my issues, found many of what I thought were my issues were manifested by him and those that weren't I own, I am working on me everyday. I look forward to the end, its taking quite a while and not happening over night but it is what it is and I just have to suck it up and deal with as well. I didn't think I would get here and its empowering to be in this spot, I know what I have to do, know what I want, I am strong and will make it through whatever else gets thrown my way. I may still have a few waves but the Tsunami is passed. Thank you all for all your support, encouragement, insight, this is a great place and I will continue to visit. Wish me luck. Sue
I am very glad to read this part I bolded, you are making great progress! You are on your way to a much happier life, and yes, it is VERY empowering! Dont even worry about his crap with blaming you for everything... you are getting away, and THAT is what matters. And you know the truth.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #99 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 09:01 PM
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

Sunshine, once you are gone and you have had time to reflect without him in your life on a daily basis you will be so thankful that you had the courage to get out. We seek confirmation, we never give up hope that our situation is repairable, we question ourselves and endlessly realize that we are not getting what we wanted and in fact this man, who has basically, plastered it in our face what a butt he can be and justify his actions has got us seeking his approval, wanting his recognition, believing he is capable of true feeling. Lady, he trained you, he groomed you to be what he wanted from you.

I hope I can post this and if not my apologies! I was watching this just this evening and it resonates with me and what I endured. I hope you can benefit from it.
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post #100 of 100 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 09:34 PM
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Re: 32+ years coming to an end

How are you Sunshineas?

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