Sorry if this comes out mixed up, my emotions are a turbulent roller coaster. Married 32 years, he is retired military, two kids; one at home, one on their own. I shut down physically and emotionally two years ago; so yes we haven't had sex or any sort of intimate relationship in a long time. I felt I have nothing left, dead. I am trying desperately to come to gripes with the situation, I know in my head its over but getting my heart there is the hard work. I still love him but feel we have zero glue holding us together. Many years of alcohol issues (his), money issues, sex issues, you name it, we are both broken folks trying to put ourselves back together separately. I am in therapy to figure out my life and see how the hell I got here today, he is in therapy trying to work on a relationship with our son (another story). So much sorrow, so many regrets, anger and pain. I take responsibility for shutting down, I guess it was my last ditch effort to make him see me, really see me and it backfired, that is on me and I am owning/suffering the consequences. We live in the same house for the time being, moved to separate room just under two weeks ago. Working with trying to get financial crap, houses, kids, etc worked out, just crazy times. We had issues our entire marriage although there were good times there were some really bad too. We are both strong willed, stubborn people stuck in hell at the present time. When I ever get my crap straight I will start at the beginning. I find peace here, read some things that hit home, some good some hurtful. Thanks for being here.