I see no hope in my marriage. I am starting to plan for its end and even though I don't see anything changing sometimes I don't feel 100% about leaving. I have 2 young kids and I imagine divorce will be hard for them. I am fearful of the changes that come from divorce.
I am living with my husband now. I stopped talking aboUT divorce with him. He will become vindictive and more threatening if I do. I told my family that the relationship is bad and is ending. In the past my husband refused to talk to me about divorce rationally. When I asked what he would want, he said every thing he earned. He recently treated to take me off his health insurance and joint bank account. We haven't been talking since thanksgiving. For the past 5 years I have begged him to come to therapy and I have set up all appts. We had been in therapy before thanksgiving for 5 months. He refused to go after we fought around thanksgiving. I went to the appt alone and the therapist said I had been patient enough. I have told him that if he wanted to improve our relationship he can make an appt with the therapist and I will go. He refuses. He blames me that we don't get along. He has refused to he'll me with the kids since we weren't getting along. He refuses to watch our 3 year old for more than few hours.
I can't leave for a few months because I need to sort out some issues 1st. But it is hard living with him now. Only people I am really close to know how haRd things are in this relationship. I realized that for my husband this isn't a relationship, it is a business agreement. These realizations are so hard to swallow. I have been wondering why I accepted such ****ty treatment for so long. And now that I see that I'm in an unhealthy relationship I know I
Need to get out of it. Can anyone advice how to process these emotions and deal with my situation. I need to keep quiet about divorce because I expect he will be aweful when I do tell him. And I will need to l
Move away then with the kids.
The first thing you need to do is establish your timeline. Do this with the strict understanding that you have to push through uncomfortable moments. That said, if he is remotely a physical threat to you or the children, then family or a battered woman's shelter is the next stop.
How do you process the emotions? The most powerful thing you can do is accept and take ownership of your decision.
"I am leaving him. I tried my best to love him without condition in the hope that he would reciprocate. He refused to treat me with decency. I reject this arrangement."
Too often, individuals can't process the emotions because they hold out hope that he/she will change. Alternatively, they don't process the emotions because they refuse to accept what happened, taking on a victim (poor me) role.
"If he just tried, we'd be better now."
"why didn't he just come to therapy?"
What is going to do wonders for you is taking action, ownership of your choice and accepting that he is fully allowed to be a permanent jerk, but not to you.