How do you think she feels when she thinks about you and your bartender? She was alone in a new place and unhappy and got snookered by a known ladies' man with a long string of notches on his belt who appealed to a lonely married woman in a strange country whose husband was busy growing his career. You just went out and screwed a woman so you could hurt your wife.
So on top of having an abusive mother whose abuse she's now having to relive through therapy, she is still alone in a strange country, full of shame over what she did, totally subservient to you now, and stuck with chlamydia so she'll always get to carry the shame around. Oh, and remember what her husband did.
The clap can be cured, he's admitted he's wrong (I know myself how embarrassed, unwanted, insecure, etc. etc. I felt when I found out my wife cheated behind my back multiple times.....) and says it will stop, and he was not the initial cheater. AND his wife TOLD him to have an affair. Does this mitigate the circumstances somewhat? We all know it's to ease her own rotten conscience. She got "snookered"????????
LOL, I just don't know about that one. Can men use the "snookered" excuse?
I got snookered, wife. She was so hot and seduced me..... It's not my fault....
Anyway, I don't condone his behavior, but I understand it.......
Either way, he is in a better position mentally to handle this, as he has stated.
OP, if your wife is truly remorseful, and you still love her, give it a chance. Wait until the rollercoaster subsides. It will, eventually. It's never wise to make decisions when your emotions are all over the place. You can decide to divorce anytime. No hurry there.
Honestly, there's no perfect husbands or wives. My wife cheated with cybersex and sending nude photos and such. Probably physically also. I would have liked it if she'd have shown some remorse and I had a chance to make things right on my end with her, as far as how I personally handled myself during our 14 year marriage. I didn't do anything really bad, but not a huge amount really good, either.
You may have that chance to reconcile. Divorce when one has children is not easy on adults, and it does make things really rough for kids.
Take some time and think about it.