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Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:59 PM
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Re: Hello

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera View Post
How do you think she feels when she thinks about you and your bartender? She was alone in a new place and unhappy and got snookered by a known ladies' man with a long string of notches on his belt who appealed to a lonely married woman in a strange country whose husband was busy growing his career. You just went out and screwed a woman so you could hurt your wife.

So on top of having an abusive mother whose abuse she's now having to relive through therapy, she is still alone in a strange country, full of shame over what she did, totally subservient to you now, and stuck with chlamydia so she'll always get to carry the shame around. Oh, and remember what her husband did.
The clap can be cured, he's admitted he's wrong (I know myself how embarrassed, unwanted, insecure, etc. etc. I felt when I found out my wife cheated behind my back multiple times.....) and says it will stop, and he was not the initial cheater. AND his wife TOLD him to have an affair. Does this mitigate the circumstances somewhat? We all know it's to ease her own rotten conscience. She got "snookered"????????
LOL, I just don't know about that one. Can men use the "snookered" excuse?

I got snookered, wife. She was so hot and seduced me..... It's not my fault....
Uggh.

Anyway, I don't condone his behavior, but I understand it.......

Either way, he is in a better position mentally to handle this, as he has stated.

OP, if your wife is truly remorseful, and you still love her, give it a chance. Wait until the rollercoaster subsides. It will, eventually. It's never wise to make decisions when your emotions are all over the place. You can decide to divorce anytime. No hurry there.

Honestly, there's no perfect husbands or wives. My wife cheated with cybersex and sending nude photos and such. Probably physically also. I would have liked it if she'd have shown some remorse and I had a chance to make things right on my end with her, as far as how I personally handled myself during our 14 year marriage. I didn't do anything really bad, but not a huge amount really good, either.

You may have that chance to reconcile. Divorce when one has children is not easy on adults, and it does make things really rough for kids.

Take some time and think about it.
Good luck.

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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 06:40 PM
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Re: Hello

You mentioned you had two children with her and she had two adult children from a previous relationship. Why did that relationship end? What is your relationship history. Finally what are your ages?

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 08:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Hello

we are in our 40s. I am a few years younger than her. Her first marriage was brief. I think she got married after getting pregnant. They divorced soon after the twins were born. They were poor and lived in her parents house and fought all the time. Her mother encouraged him to leave. He felt bad being a father with very little money. He cheated and moved in with an ex girlfriend. I came along 8 years later or so. SHe had not been in a serious relationship between husbands. I had dated a girl in for under a year in college but no other relationships worth mentioning.
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 08:34 AM
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by asgdf View Post
Release2016,
I do not know. Some days I really want to build our marriage back to where I thought it was. Other days, I struggle just to go through the motions and do what I ought to do. Sometimes I want to divorce and try to do so as amicably as possible. Sometimes I want to just crawl into a hole and die. It is a roller coaster right now.
I think this is perfectly normal, you will go through many ups and downs. It might be worthwhile to make up a list as a reminder of why you should and want to stay the course at least for a prefixed period of time. if after that time then you can both agree to call it quits, but giving it a shot will not be easy. There will be triggers, bad days, etc. But if you leave the marriage, there will also be bad days.... don't forget that.
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 07:47 AM
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Re: Hello

You both needs individual help. It is going to take a great deal of forgiveness on both sides to make this marriage work. I personally could not forgive my husband. Cheating, for me, is the ultimate line in the sand that you do not cross no matter what.
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-14-2017, 04:10 PM
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Re: Hello

You should combine both of your threads.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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