It sounds as if you have all you need to know counselor... how would you advise yourself?
I think vows are extremely important... it defines our commitments first to ourselves than to another the other benefitting in that promise. In the last six months I have learned that every promise I made to my wife was not without that to myself first.
That said, divorce is not always breaking a promise... what it is, is recognizing that trusting impermanence does not come without work and that when we recognize such, removing that barrier from our life which hurts us, either spiritually or of a physical nature (often hand-in-hand), we have the power to make those choices with the self love, respect, and worth because we cannot have healthy relationships without them.
It sounds as she was lost for many reasons... what drove her to this particular person is really not important, what is important is that you find the calm you need to choose the path best for you, whether to stay in a relationship you have lost trust in or not.
Anything more than the basics of what you need are a diversion... when one adds to the confusion such complications of other sexual encounters then you are doing nothing but reinforcing defeat of the self as you found out.
Nothing is destroyed forever because life itself is ever-changing... she can choose transparency and you can choose to trust again. Some say this is setting oneself up for failure, others say it is a freedom... and a disguised one at that because we accept a measurement of our our life by future hope, focusing on how we are able to be present in this moment, and do it well.
Losing faith is much worse than losing your marriage... with mistrust, one tends to find what they’re looking for.
Find reasons to believe rather than reasons to doubt...
Last edited by Emerging Buddhist; 01-08-2017 at 02:55 PM.
Reason: Mindful grammer...