Re: I messed up repeatedly.
When a woman falls out of love because of neglect, it is sometimes possible to win that love back. But ONLY if you are willing to literally devote your life to consistent, daily, long-term change in the way you do everything. She would have to see that there IS a new you, one who is learning, vulnerable, humble, and open to whatever she's going through. She needs to see real action from you. You sound like a whiner, no offense - all moaning and no action to change it.
So if I were you, I would (1) buy the book His Needs Her Needs and start reading it daily. Share with her what you're learning in the book, each day. Share your feelings about what you're learning. As well as what you're going to DO with that new knowledge. Once you finish, ask her to fill out the questionnaires.
I would (2) find a good marriage therapist, one with lots of good reviews, make an appointment, and beg her to come with you. Go even if she won't, and ask the therapist to give you concrete steps to take to start changing your attitude and anger and refusal to be vulnerable. Share with your wife what you're learning in it; let her see you putting it into action.
I would (3) try to find little ways to spend time with your wife - a cup of coffee, whatever. Let her see you as a human again.