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Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #16 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 09:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suspicious

Yes I did but they really can't remember much. Point is she deleted everything and forgot some on immo that's why am aware of the situation. She was shocked when I brought it up but still denies anything happened. She still can't give a reason why she deleted their messages. Even found out she had a group for chatting just for the two of them with their first abréviations. All messages deleted. I asked her the other day why she loved me and she couldn't give an answer. She had to think for a while then said because I was a caring husband....lol.
Worst part is the first time I saw the French number she laughed and said it was just a childhood friend and he wasn't even her type and would never date that kind of person if she was single. At that time I only saw a number and no picture. Turns out they spent lots of time on the phone on what's app , messenger and even FaceTime and he called her as early as 8 am when she would be at work and all the time she had miss calls from him was late evenings when I would be home. I really need courage to move on and not use the kids as excuses.
Was even thinking of talking to her friend in France and plead with her to tell me the truth for the sake of the kids but I think she would support her and deny it. My wife admitted her friend knew she was going out to eat with the guy and when she asked her if she knew what she was doing she replied that it was just to eat and nothing more. Should I confront her and plead with her ???

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post #17 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suspicious

The kids said nobody came home to pick her up. I tried texting the guy and he replied hello baby and he said the week that she spent In france was a wonderful and I asked home what part was most memorable for him but he got suspicious and said he wouldn't say anything unless he confirmed it was her. He wanted me to call him for a second just to hear the voice. I finally got pissed and called him and he denied everything and said when he talked to her he didn't know she was married because it was a long time ago since they saw each other so they talked like childhood friends. I asked him why text her saying MISSING YOU. He couldn't say anything concrete to me. He said I have to understand we all men and do things sometimes like that......Said he loved me
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post #18 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 10:03 AM
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Re: Suspicious

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Yes I did but they really can't remember much. Point is she deleted everything and forgot some on immo that's why am aware of the situation. She was shocked when I brought it up but still denies anything happened. She still can't give a reason why she deleted their messages. Even found out she had a group for chatting just for the two of them with their first abréviations. All messages deleted. I asked her the other day why she loved me and she couldn't give an answer. She had to think for a while then said because I was a caring husband....lol.
Worst part is the first time I saw the French number she laughed and said it was just a childhood friend and he wasn't even her type and would never date that kind of person if she was single. At that time I only saw a number and no picture. Turns out they spent lots of time on the phone on what's app , messenger and even FaceTime and he called her as early as 8 am when she would be at work and all the time she had miss calls from him was late evenings when I would be home. I really need courage to move on and not use the kids as excuses.
Was even thinking of talking to her friend in France and plead with her to tell me the truth for the sake of the kids but I think she would support her and deny it. My wife admitted her friend knew she was going out to eat with the guy and when she asked her if she knew what she was doing she replied that it was just to eat and nothing more. Should I confront her and plead with her ???

Wacco,

Nothing here that you cannot confirm with a polygraph. You need the truth.
AND DO NOT CALL HER FRIEND OR BEG FOR ANYTHING . That is the worst possible thing. And since her OM now is on to you, you better be looking for another app on her phone. You also should put a VAR in her car because you can bet your ass that this guy has tried to contact her to see if it was her.
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post #19 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 10:19 AM
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Re: Suspicious

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T I asked him why text her saying MISSING YOU. He couldn't say anything concrete to me. He said I have to understand we all men and do things sometimes like that......Said he loved me
...but he didn't know she was married?? Sounds like a douche to me. She's making the wrong choice.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #20 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 05:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suspicious

Now she wants to move with me and the kids to the states but needs me to assure her that's not a plan by me to get there and while at my mums then I terminate things. I asked her if you really didn't do anything then why are you worried and she replied because she can see that I don't believe her because I used to post things in Facebook that reflected to her and she didn't like that. She said she didn't want to go on if I can't trust her and later after a few years or months I want to break up. Said she will regret it a lot if I leave now and will never forgive herself but will understand than I do it after a while . I get myself really believing her you know because the woman I knew ten years ago never spoke to strangers not even a hello when someone passing by said hi. People even complained that she was too proud because she wouldn't make conversation with them because like she said my friends were not necessarily her friends. She says she only ate with him cause she knew him before and nothing happened. I have to believe her and we move along or we stop now.
Am thinking giving her the condition that we will move to the states together but once there she will do the polygraph test if not we have to go our separate ways. Please I need ideas.
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post #21 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 05:57 AM
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Re: Suspicious

I actually like your idea...
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post #22 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 06:26 AM
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Re: Suspicious

OP you know her making a comment just about wanting to move to America with you, she just admitted her guilt. That is reason why she's worried about it because she knows you talk to him. Either he got a hold of your wife, or he told her friend the she supposedly stayed with in France. Then the friend past that information back to your wife.! If there's anyway you check her phone bill. That right there will give you a little proof. Stay vigilant but keep quiet don't let her think you're still checking on her.

Spartans lay down your weapons.! "Persian come and get them"
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post #23 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 07:35 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suspicious

Thanks for the idea . Will check to see how frequently she spoke to that friend since I found out. Says she hasn't spoken to her in a while. Guess the phone bill will prove that. But if it's what's app I don't think you get to see it on the phone bill. I can also ask her to call her friend to say hello because she says her friend has been nagging her with messages asking for help with baby names. If she hasn't spoken to her in a while I will know from their conversation.
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post #24 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 07:41 AM
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Re: Suspicious

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Thanks for the idea . Will check to see how frequently she spoke to that friend since I found out. Says she hasn't spoken to her in a while. Guess the phone bill will prove that. But if it's what's app I don't think you get to see it on the phone bill. I can also ask her to call her friend to say hello because she says her friend has been nagging her with messages asking for help with baby names. If she hasn't spoken to her in a while I will know from their conversation.

OP, do you have access to her phone? If so, you can get access to the web version of her whatsapp. It won't let you see messages she's deleted but you will see all existing messages, and future ones as they happen in real time.
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post #25 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 07:56 AM
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Re: Suspicious

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Am thinking giving her the condition that we will move to the states together but once there she will do the polygraph test if not we have to go our separate ways. Please I need ideas.
If the polygraph will give you assurance that nothing happened then it seems to be a good plan. If it were me I would still be suspicious even she passed the polygraph. If she wants to prove to you that nothing happened, why won't she let you see her phone messages? She's hiding something. You need to find out what it is before continuing the relationship.


"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #26 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 08:07 AM
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Re: Suspicious

Instructions for logging into her WhatsApp on the pc:

- Open this link on your computer (it will open a page with a QR code): https://web.whatsapp.com/
- Open WhatsApp on her phone (you want to be on the main page, click out the chat if one is open)
- Click the menu tab - not sure what it looks like on her app but on mine it's 3 dots in a vertical line on the top right corner of the screen
- Select WhatsApp Web
A box will pop up with a scanner
- Place the phone in front of the screen so that the phone's camera can scan the QR code
- X out of the menu and return to the home page of the app (or whatever chat she had open)

It's a simple process and takes seconds. Many WhatsApp users are not aware that the App can be accessed on computers. If you would like to log out of her account, you can do so through the webpage. To log back in, you'll have to go through the same steps again. The only way she will know you're logged in is if she happens to go into the menu and clicks on WhatsApp web. It will tell her that she's connected to a computer and it will show the time that you last viewed the app on the pc. Once you log out however, there's no way for her to know that you were on there.
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post #27 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 08:32 AM
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Re: Suspicious

Wacco

You do not need ideas. You need the truth and the only way you are going to get it is NOW with a polygraph. if she is not lying she would not be giving you all this crap and excuses about what will happen when and if.

You are stuck because you will not demand the truth and she is NOT going to tell you and a third party is not as reliable as an indifferent non emotional machine. her stalling and balking stinks of deceit. She should be dragging your ass to an examiner to clear this up once and for all.
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post #28 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 07:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suspicious

Honestly I don't think this sleepless nights and suspicions or pain I get every time I think about the two of them together is going to stop unless I know what happened in france that week of August 2015. I can't live like this and don't even know where to get a polygraph test here in Brussels (Europe). Don't want to wait till we get to the states and find out I was right the whole time. I ask myself a lot of questions

1) why delete the messages if he's just an old friend
2) why does he write you a few days after you return from france saying he's missing you if you say you only had lunch once with him and that was it
3) why open a chat group on immo for just you and him and delete the messages with abbreviations of your names. Then when I see it you tell me you don't remember what you opened it for.
4) what did you say about me or our relationship that gave him the right to call you at all times even early mornings at work and all the missed calls was when we were home together.
5) why fall in love all over with me again as if it's the first time you saw me. Why suddenly you want hugs and cuddles and love making. You use to reject me for weeks at times a month plus. Is it because you messed up or he disappointed you or ????????????
6) you said you had nothing with him but later said you stoped everything with him when I put you down a few days after you came back from france and begged you not to do anything stupid cause I felt something was wrong. We made love later and you cried . WHY?? I asked you and you said you don't know but later when I found out you said because you didn't want to make love. You just did it to please me. Did you cry because you realized that you messed up big time . And worst part is the rejection continued on an off for a while until twice you asked me to leave the house. Later you said you did all that because you wanted me to come to my senses and be a man. When I found out and wanted to leave you knelt down and swore nothing happened and wouldn't let me leave.
Now it's love at first sight.
7) why can't I have the courage to just walk out the door and never come back? People have done that and still maintain good relationships with their kids.

I am in such a mess forget sometimes to eat. Every time I think its getting better the thought of the two of them breaks me apart. The sleepless nights etc
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post #29 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:04 AM
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Re: Suspicious

OP, just assume for a moment that your worst fears are confirmed. What then?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #30 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:09 AM
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Re: Suspicious

if she can't answer those questions honestly, how can you ever move on? Are you plan b because it did not work out for her and him? she is clearly frighten...you can't quiet your mind without first getting answers, and understand you may never really know the truth but something is better than nothing and nothing is what you have now. i still like your idea, because and this is what you need to tell her...there is no trust.
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