Suspicious - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #31 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:19 AM
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Re: Suspicious

You need to reframe your way of thinking.

There will never be answers because she refuses to provide them and there is only one reason for that.

You need to accept that there has been an affair, and that anything that two people can do with one anther did happen with them and understand that's as close to closure as you are ever going to get.

Then you need to start taking steps to extricate this woman from your life. If moving back to the states is a better way to get it done, then reassure her you have no plans to break up with her, move to the states and kick her cheating ass to the curb.

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post #32 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:26 AM
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Re: Suspicious

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Originally Posted by Wacco View Post
Honestly I don't think this sleepless nights and suspicions or pain I get every time I think about the two of them together is going to stop unless I know what happened in france that week of August 2015. I can't live like this and don't even know where to get a polygraph test here in Brussels (Europe). Don't want to wait till we get to the states and find out I was right the whole time. I ask myself a lot of questions

1) why delete the messages if he's just an old friend
2) why does he write you a few days after you return from france saying he's missing you if you say you only had lunch once with him and that was it
3) why open a chat group on immo for just you and him and delete the messages with abbreviations of your names. Then when I see it you tell me you don't remember what you opened it for.
4) what did you say about me or our relationship that gave him the right to call you at all times even early mornings at work and all the missed calls was when we were home together.
5) why fall in love all over with me again as if it's the first time you saw me. Why suddenly you want hugs and cuddles and love making. You use to reject me for weeks at times a month plus. Is it because you messed up or he disappointed you or ????????????
6) you said you had nothing with him but later said you stoped everything with him when I put you down a few days after you came back from france and begged you not to do anything stupid cause I felt something was wrong. We made love later and you cried . WHY?? I asked you and you said you don't know but later when I found out you said because you didn't want to make love. You just did it to please me. Did you cry because you realized that you messed up big time . And worst part is the rejection continued on an off for a while until twice you asked me to leave the house. Later you said you did all that because you wanted me to come to my senses and be a man. When I found out and wanted to leave you knelt down and swore nothing happened and wouldn't let me leave.
Now it's love at first sight.
7) why can't I have the courage to just walk out the door and never come back? People have done that and still maintain good relationships with their kids.

I am in such a mess forget sometimes to eat. Every time I think its getting better the thought of the two of them breaks me apart. The sleepless nights etc
75% she cheated 99% whatever happened it was inappropriate. The crying is the tip off. You know it you just don't want to accept it. You would be better off accepting at least the part that was inappropriate. Part of your problem is accepting it and staying without doing anything is allowing yourself to be abused and bullied. I mean he is calling your wife baby? You have already let her get away with stuff that compromised your marriage and you know it. It isn't right that she wanted to spend a week with a male friend and you know it, you should have just told her you were done at that point, maybe then you had a chance. You are probably not going to feel better unless you take your power back. Even if you know she is cheating you won't feel better because you were bullied and abused by her.

Never love anyone enough to allow them to take away your agency in your life. Never love enough to allow yourself to be abused.
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post #33 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:48 AM
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Re: Suspicious

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Originally Posted by Wacco View Post
Honestly I don't think this sleepless nights and suspicions or pain I get every time I think about the two of them together is going to stop unless I know what happened in france that week of August 2015. I can't live like this and don't even know where to get a polygraph test here in Brussels (Europe). Don't want to wait till we get to the states and find out I was right the whole time. I ask myself a lot of questions

1) why delete the messages if he's just an old friend
2) why does he write you a few days after you return from france saying he's missing you if you say you only had lunch once with him and that was it
3) why open a chat group on immo for just you and him and delete the messages with abbreviations of your names. Then when I see it you tell me you don't remember what you opened it for.
4) what did you say about me or our relationship that gave him the right to call you at all times even early mornings at work and all the missed calls was when we were home together.
5) why fall in love all over with me again as if it's the first time you saw me. Why suddenly you want hugs and cuddles and love making. You use to reject me for weeks at times a month plus. Is it because you messed up or he disappointed you or ????????????
6) you said you had nothing with him but later said you stoped everything with him when I put you down a few days after you came back from france and begged you not to do anything stupid cause I felt something was wrong. We made love later and you cried . WHY?? I asked you and you said you don't know but later when I found out you said because you didn't want to make love. You just did it to please me. Did you cry because you realized that you messed up big time . And worst part is the rejection continued on an off for a while until twice you asked me to leave the house. Later you said you did all that because you wanted me to come to my senses and be a man. When I found out and wanted to leave you knelt down and swore nothing happened and wouldn't let me leave.
Now it's love at first sight.
7) why can't I have the courage to just walk out the door and never come back? People have done that and still maintain good relationships with their kids.

I am in such a mess forget sometimes to eat. Every time I think its getting better the thought of the two of them breaks me apart. The sleepless nights etc
Sorry Wacco but there are so many red flags here it's definite she cheated on you. The crying after making love is a sign of her guilt and conflict. You already know the answer in your gut.
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post #34 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: Suspicious

I'm so sorry you and your kids are going through this. It's so hard to know there has been cheating, but no clue on extent.

There is no way in the world I would move with her to another country without first having that poly. Even if you have to hop a little flight to do it.

My gut matches your gut on this one. More happened. She is trying to make you forget through a ton of sex. Technology is such that if you want to cheat, it's so easy. Trust once broken is so very hard to rebuild. It's almost like you suffer from PTSD...things are ok for a little while and then it hits you all over again what wsa done and bam, all the emotions come flooding back in full color.

Don't feel guilty ever about questioning her or doubting her. This only arose because she did something inappropriate (went on a date while a married woman and who knows how much more), and then continued a LDR with him, where they were so familiar with each other he called her 'baby'. GAG!!!!!

I would recommend not making any big life decisions (moving across the world) until you have the poly results or her parking lot confession.

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #35 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suspicious

I think I need to step down and do what's right. Can't move with her and start a new life in the states just to find out after she lied. It will kill me. The problem is I don't know if they have polygraph test in Europe.

At the end of the day I need to do what's right and that's knowing the truth. If it really happened then I can move on with my life and go through the healing gradually.

Any ideas how I can go about the polygraph in Europe??? Please I really need to know
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post #36 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 12:40 PM
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Re: Suspicious

You don't need a polygraph. You know. That's why you're so upset.
You KNOW. Geez, it's obvious, BABY.
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post #37 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 04:05 PM
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Re: Suspicious

I am sorry your going through this but I think the others are right. You don't need to have her take a Polygraph. She has already shown you what she thinks of your marriage to her. There is a reason he called for her. Its because they have a relationship. I think at this point in time you should change your way of thinking. Its not on you to prove she cheated. Its on her to prove she did not cheat. I would tell her that too. I would tell her if she wants to stay married she will find someone to recover her text. She will pay for her own poly. I would tell her she has very little time to prove it. I would follow that up with a copy of the divorce papers.

C
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post #38 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: Suspicious

Don't bet your marriage on the results of a polygraph. They are unreliable at best. An experienced liar can easily pass a poly.
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post #39 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: Suspicious

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wacco View Post
I think I need to step down and do what's right. Can't move with her and start a new life in the states just to find out after she lied. It will kill me. The problem is I don't know if they have polygraph test in Europe.

At the end of the day I need to do what's right and that's knowing the truth. If it really happened then I can move on with my life and go through the healing gradually.

Any ideas how I can go about the polygraph in Europe??? Please I really need to know
Polygraph testing is about as useful as palm reading,take it from someone who knows.You may get the so called parking lot confession but that's about it.Another problem you would have is if you are in Belgium as you say,what nationality is your wife and in what language would the test be done.If I remember correctly Dutch would be the most common language spoken but also French and German and you also have the various Flemish dialects.If you are capable of getting angry or upset just by thinking about something,or even if you are just a good liar then you can fool any polygraph.
Do not bring this woman to the US unless you trust her implicitly,she will drag you down with her.
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post #40 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 11:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suspicious

Thanks a million guys . Today we were talking at a restaurant and a topic about cheating came up and authomatically i started condemning cheaters. I tried to explain to her that it was better to leave a relationship and let the other partner be angry or disappointed before starting another one. She wouldn't even look in my eyes. I had to ask her to look at me. I know so well the answer but my heart doesn't want to accept.
Does anybody know if it's possible to retrieve deleted messages from iPhone even if it was never backed up. Don't really care how expensive it is . I just need to know.
Is there any kind of drug that will play with somebody's mind and let them say the truth?
If I can't find any of these then I am just going to put her down and tell her it's over and that I cannot live like this with uncertainty unless I know the truth and then I can forgive her and move forward. If she buys it and confesses am off if she doesn't then I will take my kids to the states while she's at work and just leave a note at home for her. If she comes to the states then it's her choice and her life.

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post #41 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 11:59 AM
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Re: Suspicious

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Originally Posted by Wacco View Post
Thanks a million guys . Today we were talking at a restaurant and a topic about cheating came up and authomatically i started condemning cheaters. I tried to explain to her that it was better to leave a relationship and let the other partner be angry or disappointed before starting another one. She wouldn't even look in my eyes. I had to ask her to look at me. I know so well the answer but my heart doesn't want to accept.
Does anybody know if it's possible to retrieve deleted messages from iPhone even if it was never backed up. Don't really care how expensive it is . I just need to know.
Is there any kind of drug that will play with somebody's mind and let them say the truth?
If I can't find any of these then I am just going to put her down and tell her it's over and that I cannot live like this with uncertainty unless I know the truth and then I can forgive her and move forward. If she buys it and confesses am off if she doesn't then I will take my kids to the states while she's at work and just leave a note at home for her. If she comes to the states then it's her choice and her life.
Dr.Fone.

Check it out.

C
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post #42 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 02:23 PM
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Re: Suspicious

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Does anybody know if it's possible to retrieve deleted messages from iPhone even if it was never backed up. Don't really care how expensive it is . I just need to know.
Yes.

Look into an app (for Mac or PC) called Wondershare Dr. Fone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wacco View Post
Is there any kind of drug that will play with somebody's mind and let them say the truth?
Whoa there. Back the f*ck up a bit and you'll realize why this is a horrible idea.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #43 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 03:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Suspicious

I know . Was just being paranoid. I am going for the dr fone this weekend. Hopefully nothing comes up
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post #44 of 46 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 03:48 PM
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Re: Suspicious

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wacco View Post
Thanks a million guys . Today we were talking at a restaurant and a topic about cheating came up and authomatically i started condemning cheaters. I tried to explain to her that it was better to leave a relationship and let the other partner be angry or disappointed before starting another one. She wouldn't even look in my eyes. I had to ask her to look at me. I know so well the answer but my heart doesn't want to accept.
Does anybody know if it's possible to retrieve deleted messages from iPhone even if it was never backed up. Don't really care how expensive it is . I just need to know.
Is there any kind of drug that will play with somebody's mind and let them say the truth?
If I can't find any of these then I am just going to put her down and tell her it's over and that I cannot live like this with uncertainty unless I know the truth and then I can forgive her and move forward. If she buys it and confesses am off if she doesn't then I will take my kids to the states while she's at work and just leave a note at home for her. If she comes to the states then it's her choice and her life.
On top of everything else that has been said in response to this post I will add 1 last thing.

Parental abduction is still abduction and could land you in jail for a very long time. The plan to just pack up the kids and leave the country with them is not a good idea. It will hurt your wife, your kids, you and everyone's future.

Our lives are a novel and we, the authors. if you don't like the story line, only you have the power to change it.
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post #45 of 46 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 12:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suspicious

Hello guys. It's been a while. Sorry for the silence but I have been going through hell for the past months. I have been in and out of the hospital doing therapy twice a week.
I have degenerating disc on the right side of my back and it's killing me. It's also Sciatica which causes my right leg to go numb and with so much pain at times I even want to cry. Have been been busy with therapy and it's getting better. Now I can even pick up something from the ground without excruciating pain.
As regards my situation at home it's really different now. She's doing her best to prove she loves me and tries to be sweet and not complain. I stayed all this while because of my pain and also because I thought I would forget about it and try to make my marriage better. Unfortunately it's not the case. Am happy at times and then all of a sudden the whole thing comes playing in my mind like a movie and then the questions and sleepless nights will start again for a one or two days. I would torture myself for one or two days and this will happen often.
I spent 150 usd on the Drfone and bought everything needed but when I tried to retrieve lost data from her phone nothing came out from 2015. Just from 2016 and 2017. Nothing from messenger or deleted pictures and messenger was what she used the whole time. I really need closure for this . Is there any other way i can get the infos from her phone even if it will cost me. I just need to know the truth.
The worst thing about it is she criticizes other girls or women who get caught cheating by their husbands and the story gets out. She claims she can never do that. I said to her that just texting and deleting them is already cheating and that cheating starts with a conversation. She did all that and for how long nobody knows. Said I only ate once with him but didn't f*ck him. Just stayed in contact because he was an old friend I knew from childhood. So why delete the conversations ? Why hide your so genuine relationship ?
Is there any other means out there to strip her phone and get every information I need. Someone please help me
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