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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 03:44 PM Thread Starter
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Hello everyone. Just saw this website and decided to check it out and see if I could get some help.
Married to my wife for 10 years with three kids. We had lots of issues in 2015 including financial issues cause I couldn't get a job. Constant arguments and before I could notice she wouldn't let me touch her for weeks saying she was too stressed . This will go on and off till August when she asked to travel for a week with the kids to a friend in France. She left and we talked everyday and I remember asking her to be careful and act responsible.
She came back few days before end of August and all was ok. We celebrated her birthday that same month and it was fun. Beginning of September I saw a French number from a guy that called her a few times and when I asked she said it was just an old school friend that she bumped into a while back. A few days later I called her and talked to her. Told her all will be ok and she had tombe patient and believe in me and that if she was thinking of doing something like cheating she should reconsider and stop for my sake and that if the kids. We made love that night and while at it she started crying. I asked what was wrong and she said nothing.
Forward 2016 we move out of the city to a new house that she loved much. I spend all my savings on it and again starts the financial problems and I can't work because of a major back problem I got the year before from hard labor which I did to please her. The distance becomes worse and we spend day's and week so not talking to each other. At every occasion I tried to talk to her or make peace and after a while it will start again. She spent a lot of time on her phone and changed the password. Around December found a few more calls from the French number on messenger and confronted her and she denied any relationship saying they just talked as friends and that they hadn't talked in a while . When I took her phone to show her everything had been deleted. I confronted her and she said there was nothing and that she had met him in France when she went to visit her friend. They had had lunch and he collected her number and wanted to go out with her but she denied. Said he was not her type. Asked her to call him and she refused. I spent time with her phone and found out that she had blocked him in what's app, messenger, Facebook, immo . She stored his number twice on her phone once with an abbreviation and second under another persons name. I went back on immo and succeeded to bring back some messages that lasted till August 2015 when she just returned from France. She called him not by his name but with a sexy abbreviation of it. He said he missed her and at one point she misse his calls she said she was busy and ended saying MISSED U. I confronted her and she said it was nothing. She only ate with him because she need the attention because things were not good at home with me and there was too much distance.
What kills me is the fact that I asked her a few days before and on the 31st of 2016 if she had anything to say to me before we moved on into a new year and she said no then I find the immo messages a few days into January 2017.
SO she met him two days after arriving in france and claims they only ate once on the third day and that was it. The other 4 days she never saw him. Then why does he miss her or why does he say in his messages that it was an amazing week together.
It hurt me so bad I haven't been able so sleep for weeks now. Every time I think about it my heart hurts and I just want to pack and leave but I look at my kids and I don't. The worst part about it is she knelt down and swore that she never slept with him so why keep that conversation and why hide his name or delete the messages. Now she loves me so much and wants to sleep in my arms all the time or make love all day and every day. I can't deny the fact that the love making part is wonderful because we have both reached points that we never experienced before. She's sweet now and will do everything I want.
The only thing that hurts now is I don't believe her fully. I really think something happened in france and maybe she got disappointed or realized the guy will not leave his wife or something . I just have that gut feeling and most of the times I am never wrong. I want to divorce and leave but I haven't done it. I tell her I love her but still look at her like a traitor to our family. I spend hours at night awake thinking about her with another man and it hurts me so bad. Don't really know if I still love her or am just scared to start all over again after 10 years or it's my 13, 8 and 4 year kids am worried about and before I forget now she might be pregnant with another child for three weeks and this is something she never wanted and i de been asking the whole 2016. What do I make of this . How can I trust her again and even travel for work or something else without thinking horrible things. Am not ready for a life with pain, fear and insecurities.
PLEASE SUGGESTIONS

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 04:01 PM
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Cool Re: Suspicious

Did you ask your kids if they were ever left alone or were out of their mothers presence for any discernible amount of time while they were over in France?

If so, then I think that you'll have a pretty good answer!

But for the time being, I think you'd better start checking out her domestic activity here!

Things obviously went well for her in France, but something sure smells putrid in "Denmark!"

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 04:05 PM
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Re: Suspicious

Well you already know she's lied to you, the only question is how much.

All the stuff with the phone password changing and deleting of texts points to an affair, but the unfortunate truth is you'll probably never know.

All you do know is she's a liar, she's deceived you to a degree but you don't know how much and you probably never will.

About the only suggestion I have is that you take a hard line, and you tell her that with all the password protecting, deleting of text messages, and "trickle truthing" she's giving you, the only way you will rest easy is if she takes a polygraph test. If she declines, then well, she's gotta be guilty. If she accepts, you hope for what is known as a "parking lot confession" some time prior to the polygraph which is really the reason you do it because polygraph tests are notoriously unreliable but hopefully she doesn't know that.

For lots of guys that would be enough to walk away, others will find some way to accept/justify/rationalize her behavior and find a way to live with it, always wondering and always keeping "one eye open" because if it happened once it could very well happen again.

I'd like to think if it was me I'd just walk away but your mileage may vary. Especially with another kid possibly on the way. How the heck did THAT happen especially with all the problems?

Things are more like they are now, than they ever were before - Dwight D Eisenhower
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 04:18 PM
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Re: Suspicious

Quote:
Told her all will be ok and she had tombe patient and believe in me and that if she was thinking of doing something like cheating she should reconsider and stop for my sake and that if the kids. We made love that night and while at it she started crying. I asked what was wrong and she said nothing.
Big guilt ridden red flag. After a few times with no consequences, she won't feel guilty any more. Certainly, I could be wrong. I don't think so, though.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 05:08 PM
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Re: Suspicious

I think you can be pretty much sure that she was with this guy the whole week, they probably had sex and she lied about the whole thing. She keeps changing her story. Only liers do that. If you can deal with that stay and see what happens but it seems you can't. It keeps you awake at night and the thought of her with someone else will never leave you. I'd leave her.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 05:10 PM
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Re: Suspicious

Honestly,
I think I'd get a job and enjoy your wife and hope for the best.

Yes, she cheated with the guy in France and yes, I am 99.9% certain she had sex with the guy.
Why else would she go to France? Online boyfriend is my suspicion.

Question: Are you ever going to get a job? If not, you should consider getting a divorce. I suspect this is the 2nd biggest problem in your marriage.

JMO
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