Husband may leave me. Homosexual/Bixsexual - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 01:25 PM
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Re: Husband may leave me. Homosexual/Bixsexual

@Andy1001 I've known gay guys who simply could not afford to know the truth. One friend of my W from work would come to dinner with buxom girls - a different each time - and I know he was very sexually active. Eventually, after having a gay guy work for him in "the big city" he felt safe enough to open himself up. This was his first gay relationship and they may be together today after years... but he came from a small town and being gay was not an option.

That was years ago, but my DD15 has a very good friend who is obviously gay who cannot admit it because his dad has said if he ever came out the dad would take him to a dr until he was "fixed". Now he's clearly depressed and dating girls.

I think a lot of gay and bi people assume their ambiguity about sex and gender are commonly felt and "normal" people just are happy with an opposite sex partner. If you assume it's normal to struggle with this, and know you can't be gay for FOO, religious or local social reasons, then an easier path can be to suppress it.

But I could be wrong


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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 02:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband may leave me. Homosexual/Bixsexual

Thank you to the posters who have taken me at my word. I'm really flabbergasted at the idea of my husband being malicious about this. He's the sweetest man I've ever known. We have been married almost 3 years but we have known one another for 6 years. We were good friends before we dated.

As far as this just popping up out of nowhere. No of course not. As I said my conversation of coming out as Bi was surrounded by lots of conversations about LGBTQ stuff between us. Him admitting at least a small attraction to men initially. My husband has a porn addiction that he has been working on. (filters, accountability stuff, off and on counseling). This started when he was a teen. He very breifly as a teen watched hetero porn but its been strictly homo porn for a long time. He's been working pretty hard to beat that addiction. He's honest with me when he messes up or needs me to fix a loophole on his phone or computer. So no the idea that he's attracted to men wasn't a surprise. What has flat out knocked the wind out of me is the idea that he would ever want to leave our marriage so that he could experience a relationship with a man.

I can't imagine having an open marriage. I'm just not built for it. It would not be healthy.

I'm unsure why he thinks he might be gay since he admits he enjoys sex with me. I honestly think he's bisexual with just a heavy lean towards men, but that's for him to figure out.

For me I'm more than happy and satisfied to stay with him and never experience a relationship with a woman. He's trying to decide if he can make that commitment to me now that he's being honest with himself about his sexuality.
We are setting up counseling. I have an appointment tomorrow actually and after I see the counselor and I let him know what her take on LGBTQ issues is he may see the same counselor. (he doesn't want a Christian counselor or someone who would be biased against him, totally understandable.)

I'm unsure how to quote people but one of the posters mentioned the stereo types about men and women and that really made sense to me. Thank you for that. I've been trying to wrap my head around why it's so much harder for him to decide than it was for me, but that really made sense to me.


Oh and idk why someone would think our sex life would have had to suffer for him to be Bi and lean towards men. Our sex life has been great. We are both HD but he's quite a bit higher than me.

Anyway thanks for the encouragement. I'm leaning towards not doing a separation but I'm still really unsure how I should be reacting to all of this. We aren't having sex right now. I'm really hurting and feel super disconnected. I never thought this might be a reality in our relationship. We are so amazing together. Our communication is top notch! We are super supportive of one another. We get along. Our sex life is amazing. I just never saw this coming.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 05:14 AM
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Re: Husband may leave me. Homosexual/Bixsexual

I don't think your husband was being malicious at all. In fact, if I interpreted what you said correctly, I actually think that he was more accepting of you having attraction to both males and females than you were of him. Not that I am accusing you of anything, don't get me wrong. I just think there are probably more issues in your relationship than have been mentioned here and I think you both would benefit from some counseling. I can see you are both very confused but on a positive note, at least you guys really care for and love each other. That much I can tell. And it's a lot more than some people have.

Best of luck.

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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 01:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband may leave me. Homosexual/Bixsexual

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Originally Posted by bluestrawberry View Post
I don't think your husband was being malicious at all. In fact, if I interpreted what you said correctly, I actually think that he was more accepting of you having attraction to both males and females than you were of him. Not that I am accusing you of anything, don't get me wrong. I just think there are probably more issues in your relationship than have been mentioned here and I think you both would benefit from some counseling. I can see you are both very confused but on a positive note, at least you guys really care for and love each other. That much I can tell. And it's a lot more than some people have.

Best of luck.

I don't mind him having an attraction to men. I'm accepting of that. I'm not accepting of anybody else being added to our marriage. I don't think that's unreasonable or less accepting of him as a person than he is of me.

We both had our first counseling sessions. We'll be going to individual counseling for awhile. If He decides to stay we'll do some couples counseling as well.

We do care for each other a lot! Thats what makes it all so sad to me. I don't want to lose him. He's wonderful.
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