I do appreciate all input here and people taking the time to put down thoughts/idea, I don't think she is having an affair but obviously i cannot guarantee that but from knowing her for so long I would find it hard to believe.
And I very much hope that there isn't anyone else. If you do spend a bit of time reading some threads on "Coping with Infidelity" board, you will quickly see that the most unbelievable things tend to happen more often than people realise, and it's usually typical when someone is caught completely off-guard.
Again: I am not saying any of this applies to you. Just better be safe.
If it's all clear then I would try as best as I can to establish through conversations with your wife what it would take, to get another chance with her.
To be honest, I do feel it is rather more unbelievable that someone will throw away years of life together (with kids and everything) because they felt neglected (for how long?) during a very stressful time in a job. There must be more to the story.
I don't like to speculate (because this will invite hostile responses) but for someone who stays at home all day long, it is not unusual to develop an emotional bond with someone else (especially if you
I made a mistake once trying to help a friend a while ago (who had very similar issues actually) advising him on every possible way how to try and mend things with his wife and win her over again. What I didn't know (nor did he) that his wife was already way past "checked out" and sleeping with another person for quite some time. It explained why counselling did absolutely nothing. Until you are absolutely sure
, I would be cautious in how to proceed.