Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

User Tag List

 134Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #91 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 03:01 PM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,561
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

I didn't see - did you follow up looking at phone records, texting, internet to see who she's been talking to?

turnera is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #92 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 03:01 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: SouthWest
Posts: 528
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
You're welcome. Good luck.

Listen, I have always lived by the following: why would I want someone who doesn't want me?

Trying to make it work with someone who has decided they don't want it, well that never works and it just hurts you more. Focus on taking care of you, and being strong for you and your kids, and know that you will be ok on the other side, no matter what happens.

You said you don't know how to avoid her, since you have kids and whatnot. Divide parenting duties, if you can, so you don't have to be in the same room together. And if you're in the same room, engage with the kids, not her. If she speaks to you, give her the bare minimum of an answer, and return your attention to the kids. Don't be hostile, keep it positive in front of the kids. And tell her that what happened last night isn't going to happen. She wants a divorce, tell her she can have it, and as far as you're concerned, that begins today.

You might want to google "in house separation" for more ideas/tips.
Sounds good, its the mixed signals sometimes I feel like she doesn't really want this but is so angry that she feels like she cant turn back I just don't know honestly, the last few weeks have been the best we have got on in a long time.

Crazy how helpful everyone is I usually feel better after speaking to people on here than I do after a session with the Councilor.

I guess its time to get back into some of my hobbies and get a Social life.
MovingForward is online now  
post #93 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 03:03 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: SouthWest
Posts: 528
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
Interesting. Does she have an explanation Why 'this happened to us'? I know you offered an explanation but what is her version of the events?
'Falling out of love' i know is possible of course but very difficult to comprehend. One begins to doubt how sound the foundations of any relationship are in the first place when something like this can hit one pretty much out of nowhere.
Im very sorry.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Just that we were both at fault and too much water under the bridge.
MovingForward is online now  
 
post #94 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 03:04 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: SouthWest
Posts: 528
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera View Post
I didn't see - did you follow up looking at phone records, texting, internet to see who she's been talking to?
I have not, I guess no need at this point either if its over I guess I don't need to find out anything else.
MovingForward is online now  
post #95 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 03:12 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,974
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by CMB82 View Post
I have not, I guess no need at this point either if its over I guess I don't need to find out anything else.

Until the next time...
Lostinthought61 is offline  
post #96 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 03:23 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,271
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by CMB82 View Post
Sounds good, its the mixed signals sometimes I feel like she doesn't really want this but is so angry that she feels like she cant turn back I just don't know honestly, the last few weeks have been the best we have got on in a long time.

Crazy how helpful everyone is I usually feel better after speaking to people on here than I do after a session with the Councilor.

I guess its time to get back into some of my hobbies and get a Social life.
Sometimes, when people have made up their mind about what they're going to do (divorce), it sets their mind at ease and they relax, which allows them to be more cordial and amicable.

Don't be mean to her, you can still be amicable; just detach.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CMB82 View Post
Just that we were both at fault and too much water under the bridge.
That's a BS reason. Either there's a real reason she isn't telling you, she actually doesn't want this but she feels like she can't turn back.

If you do the 180, it may be enough of a shock to her system that she comes back to you. The 180 has saved some people's marriages--but that's not why you do it. You do the 180 to make yourself stronger emotionally to weather the storm of the coming divorce, and to reclaim who you are as a person.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is offline  
post #97 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 06:42 PM
Member
 
inmyprime's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: London
Posts: 1,294
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by CMB82 View Post
Just that we were both at fault and too much water under the bridge.
I wonder what she considers to be her fault, in her eyes...
Because even though you are (apparently) also at fault, at least you would be willing to work/fight for it while she is throwing in the towel...Life is strange sometimes.

I agree with others; at this point it is better to detach yourself emotionally (if you can't detach physically/geographically, though that would be better and possibly necessary).
It's not really fair to you that while she's indulging into saying her goodbyes to you (with massage or whatever), you might be mis-interpreting it as regret. It's actually pretty cruel on the face of it.
inmyprime is offline  
post #98 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 06:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,519
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Maybe you should change "reconnecting" to "disconnecting" in the thread title.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
TheTruthHurts is offline  
post #99 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 07:35 PM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,561
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by CMB82 View Post
I have not, I guess no need at this point either if its over I guess I don't need to find out anything else.
If you still want to be married to her, you ABSOLUTELY must check because you will never stay together if she's cheating. If you are ready and excited to divorce her, you're right - don't check.
turnera is offline  
post #100 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 08:52 PM
Member
 
GusPolinski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: TX, USA
Posts: 12,150
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by CMB82 View Post
How do you detach? I wanted to move out but read it can be classed as abandonment, lose me child privileges and also end up costing me more showing I am willing to support 2 households.

Weird she is being super nice, gave me a massage last night, slept in same bed, she hugged me all night told me I am so special to her and we both made mistakes etc and we will always be part of each others lives. Its hard when I still want it to work and Clinging on to some hope.
Poor guy.

You're going to be destroyed when you find out that she's had a boyfriend for (at least) the past several weeks.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
GusPolinski is offline  
post #101 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 08:57 PM
Member
 
GusPolinski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: TX, USA
Posts: 12,150
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by CMB82 View Post
I have not, I guess no need at this point either if its over I guess I don't need to find out anything else.
If having evidence could keep you from paying alimony then start digging.

If it doesn't matter one way or the other (or if alimony isn't in the picture at all), just detach, let her go, and move on.

I wouldn't let her be the one to file, though -- get out in front and file yourself.

Otherwise you risk getting run through the wringer once she gets dumped in a month or two.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
GusPolinski is offline  
post #102 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 08:06 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: SouthWest
Posts: 528
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by inmyprime View Post
I wonder what she considers to be her fault, in her eyes...
Because even though you are (apparently) also at fault, at least you would be willing to work/fight for it while she is throwing in the towel...Life is strange sometimes.

I agree with others; at this point it is better to detach yourself emotionally (if you can't detach physically/geographically, though that would be better and possibly necessary).
It's not really fair to you that while she's indulging into saying her goodbyes to you (with massage or whatever), you might be mis-interpreting it as regret. It's actually pretty cruel on the face of it.
Not sure exactly what she considers her fault. I got a few messages from her and she wanted to come to see counselor with me last night for some reason but couldn't find anyone to watch the kids.

Moved into the spare room last night and told her I don't want any physical contact anymore, she was visibility upset but I cant deal with mixed signals anymore time to try and move on.
MovingForward is online now  
post #103 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 08:13 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,974
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by CMB82 View Post
Not sure exactly what she considers her fault. I got a few messages from her and she wanted to come to see counselor with me last night for some reason but couldn't find anyone to watch the kids.

Moved into the spare room last night and told her I don't want any physical contact anymore, she was visibility upset but I cant deal with mixed signals anymore time to try and move on.
Did you explain yourself as to why you do not want any physical contact with her? you really need to sit down with her in a quiet place away from the kids and find out what what she means it is her fault....
Lostinthought61 is offline  
post #104 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 08:22 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: SouthWest
Posts: 528
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xenote View Post
Did you explain yourself as to why you do not want any physical contact with her? you really need to sit down with her in a quiet place away from the kids and find out what what she means it is her fault....
Yes I told her I don't think it is right if we are moving forward with Divorce. She didn't say it is her fault she said its is both our faults.
MovingForward is online now  
post #105 of 149 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 08:29 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,974
Re: Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

have you asked her what she wants? have you asked her is there someone else ?
and have you asked her what you want?
Lostinthought61 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
divorce help, emotional abandoment, hurt feelings, marriage crisis

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Married, both polyamorous, but I still love my ex girlfriend SketchScratcher Considering Divorce or Separation 7 09-04-2016 02:35 PM
Wife needs advice with husband Shiva9800 General Relationship Discussion 12 07-08-2016 10:53 AM
I left my wife... I left my family.. I want to go home advice and support is very nee Foolishhusbandinny Going Through Divorce or Separation 36 06-18-2016 09:21 PM
Advice needed - wife and I not communicating very well bpdcfan Coping with Infidelity 34 04-20-2016 02:00 PM
Wife talking to ex on Facebook - need advice please RDZ8591 General Relationship Discussion 65 03-08-2016 12:10 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome