Re: Looks like we're parting ways.
Last night's meeting with the mediator to discuss financial issues went well. She brought up a couple things we hadn't thought of, so he and I will do some research to get her the answers in the next week or two.
When the subject of my debt came up, she kept mentioning to my husband that it could be considered family debt if any part of the incurred debt was for family vacations or other family expenses. I insisted that maybe only a third of the charges were family expenses, and that I wasn't going to have him be responsible for it since he also charges family expenses but he just happens to pay off his balances every month.
We calculated out a "worst case" scenario on the home sale, and using those numbers, I outlined how I'd be able to pay off my debt, have a 20% down-payment on a new house AND still be able to put a substantial amount of money into an emergency savings account. I also said that I hadn't used my credit cards several months and am paying much more than the minimum payments on them in an effort to get them paid off. In a year, when we plan on begin officially separating, the debt will be reduced by at least a third, if not more, so I'm not too worried it. The mediator accepted that assertion, and she stopped hinting that he should pay for half of it.
And with that, other than the one big issue we need to investigate, the financial stuff is done. We also finalized the parenting plan and calculated the child support based on our salaries today. We added a clause that at the end of each year after we separate/divorce we need to show each other our year-end paystubs to verify whether or not child support should be adjusted due to salary increases/decreases over 5%.
All in all it went REALLY well and with no arguments or disagreements at all. Last night he mentioned the appraisal of our piano, to which the mediator asked if there was anything he wanted in the house that was comparable. He shrugged and said, "Not really," at which point she said, "Your car is worth more. You have more in retirement assets. You won't be responsible at all for her debt. Is that a fair exchange for the piano?" He said, "When you put it like that....sure." *lol* I did mention my engagement and wedding rings, and he without hesitation said that I should keep them.
For our next meeting in April, she's going to write up a draft of the financial plan, and said that she'd only need another hour with us to review the plan together, make any edits, and print a final version of both the financial and parenting plans for an attorney to review on our behalf. At that point we'll be done and will only need to come back to her if we have significant life changes before we move forward on separation next year.
We do not need to file the paperwork when we separate, but can attach the plans to our request for divorce when we submit those forms to the court at the end of our one-year separation. Total cost for mediation, document creation and attorney review will end up being about $1500.
Married 20 years, currently working on separating with plan to divorce
Mom to two young teens